Motherhood, diet, weight management, all along that line...

Back to talk about my current favorite topic.

Motherhood changes a woman's body forever. I'm not going to sugarcoat it because being blunt about it is easier than looking for diplomatic words. But before I go any further on this post, please know and remember that I am not complaining whatsoever and not even regretting anything. This is purely a first-hand observation and experience-sharing.

It has already been 1 year and a half since the birth of my baby and the day I turned into a mommy. What sparks today's entry? 1. My baby is not going to be an infant any longer boohoo.. but she is now running so all the more reason for me to run after her; 2. I am getting close to regaining my pre-pregnancy body in a verrrrryyyyy slow or delayed sort of pace; 3. I have not been updating as regularly as I initially thought I should and I want to make a good comeback (so y'all don't up and leave yet okay).

Why is losing my post-baby weight so difficult?

I could've just ventured on a strict Beyonce cleansing diet right after the confinement period, but I didn't. Besides, diet and me, we have some sort of a love hate relationship. Although plus points for lemons, the star!

Or I could've restarted my jogging routine -- and I did and even acquired a pair of sparky new sneakers for motivational purposes -- but it stopped midway. That was last year.

OR I could've just signed up with any of the weight management packages available around town, but I didn't either because the last package I signed up pre-baby days were still underutilized and I figured I need to get my money's worth back before I take up another one.

I never thought much about signing up for a gym membership because the last time I did that in the spur of the moment, I ended up going 4 out of 10 times which is equal to utilizing 1 out of 3 months which is also equal to wasting money. I traveled a lot in those days, so yes, bad idea to commit to anything more than 1 month.

To sum that up, up until my little girl turned 18 months last week, I have only lost about 5kg since then (not including the 7kg from the immediate birth and during confinement phase). Frustrating? Of course, every time I look at my unused dresses. And the pants that I can't zip or button anymore or the baby-tees that now looks like it's gonna burst every time I put on one. That, plus the fact that my wardrobe expanded to include maternity cloths + post baby clothes + other new clothes. I either need to buy a new closet OR lose these kilos. Take your pick.

Sometimes a decision to be assertive with oneself appears out of nowhere. Perhaps it was some friend's offhanded comment on the fat ass fat thighs fat arms everything fat which wasn't that fat before. Or the unfiltered question 'are you pregnant again?' upon looking at my visible baby bump. Well, something must've triggered it, but let's not over-analyze it. =) It makes me upset a bit.

Women like me, who gains faster than they lose, are abundant the whole world over. I have friends whom I envied who can drop kilos just like that after giving birth. Their secret to weight loss they said? Breastfeeding. But I didn't so I can't and will not comment on that. Plus, I secretly think they must be starving themselves (but that's just me making myself feel better) at meal times.

Motherhood is rewarding in itself that every time I look at my little girl, I go through a time-travel phase when all that existed was me, my huge belly, and the constant movement that reminded me of a life depending on me and my every decision. So every time that happens, I tell myself that having all these extra weight that just refuses to fall off, is worth it and I am blessed because I know many girlfriends out there yearn for the experience. There is totally nothing for me to complain about but so much more for me to be thankful for.

But of course I do want to regain my shape back, if that's what you're asking. Of course I don't want to stay fat forever, are you kidding? Haha.

Either way, between becoming a wife, a mother and a working mom, I have only about 1 to 2 hours to spare each day for a quick workout. Oh by the way, don't be fooled into thinking I have completely abandon all workout efforts, but sure, if you want to feel good about yourself. No don't. We ladies are supposed to support and build each other up, not tear one another down. Remember that every time you look at a new mother and the thought that enters your head is 'Wow you look big!'. At least she has a good reason. As a general rule, mentioning a girl's weight-gain to her face is a no-no, even more so when she's single. When I was single, I used to cross out all potential male-companion who ever commented on my weight or physical appearance, it has always been a sensitive subject for me back then that I put that on top of my mental checklist. Who cares about your looks when you can't even act as a gentleman at least for a few hours?

Anyway.... I digress.

So yes. In case you're wondering, I went into the operation room at 78kg. Went out 73kg as a new mom and 70kg went I went home with the baby. Up until this day, it has been a yo-yo ride. You do the quick math/guess, or don't.

Here is where I tell you that I am a work in progress, and although it has taken me almost 2 years to get back on track, I am back on my feet alright. I have set a mark and a whole wardrobe as my goal. Not going to be easy, I perceive, but it's a journey. You don't get there overnight. Perhaps when I finally get there, I'll let you in on how. =)  

The only thing that can stop me right now is when baby no. 2 is on the way. *sly smile* Meanwhile, let's do this!

Here's Carissa saying Hi from Bali!

Pic taken on 3/6/2016 in Seminyak, Bali

Here's to you mothers: You're A Good Mom...

Hey, it is my first Mother's Day celebration! Being a new mom opens my eyes to so many new feelings and adventures, sometimes it's truly unfathomable. I may still be new at this, but I do get you now mom. This isn't written by me, but it's so good that it's worthy to be shared. Here's a tribute to you mothers...

To the mom who's breastfeeding: Way to go! It really is an amazing gift to give your baby, for any amount of time that you can manage! You're a good mom.

To the mom who's formula feeding: Isn't science amazing? To think there was a time when a baby with a mother who couldn't produce enough would suffer, but now? Better living through chemistry! You're a good mom.

To the cloth-diapering mom: Fluffy bums are the cutest! And so friendly on the bank account. You're a good mom.

To the disposable-diapering mom: Damn those things hold a lot! And it's excellent to not worry about leakage and laundry. You're a good mom.

To the mom who stays at home: I can imagine it isn't easy doing what you do, but to spend those precious years with your babies must be amazing! You're a good mom.

To the mom who works: It's wonderful that you're sticking to your career. You're a positive role model for your children in so many ways, it's fantastic! You're a good mom.

To the mom who had to feed her kids from the drive-thru all week because you're too worn out to cook or go grocery shopping: You're feeding your kids, and hey, I bet they aren't complaining! Sometimes sanity can indeed be found in a red box with a big yellow M on it. You're a good mom.

To the mom who gave her kids a home-cooked breakfast, lunch and dinner for the past week: Excellent! Good nutrition is important, and they're learning to enjoy healthy food at an early age, a boon for the rest of their lives. You're a good mom.

To the mom with the kids who are sitting quietly and using their manners in the fancy restaurant: Kudos! It takes a lot to maintain order with children in a place where they can't run around. You're a good mom.

To the mom with the toddler having a meltdown in the cereal aisle: They always seem to pick the most embarrassing places to lose their minds don't they? We've all been through it. You're a good mom.

To the moms who judge other moms for ANY of the above? Glass houses, friend. Glass houses.

- Anonymous
(Borrowed from www.babysavers.com via Pinterest)

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My 1st mother's Day gift from my babies...

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY ALL YOU AWESOME MOMS OUT THERE!

Post-pregnancy side effects I didn't know about until I had them...

[Note: Motherhood Journal Pt 4]
Read about Pt 1 HERE on Obstetrician, Pt 2 HERE on Pregnancy side effects and Pt 3 HERE on the Birth Plan.

My lil girl is 4 months 2 weeks now and I have been a new mom about the same length of time. The rejuvenation and recovery period started immediately after birth, and it is still happening today. Quite baffling that at 4 months, I am still undergoing this restoration period, physically that is. No kidding on this part. I know I read them before it happened (just to prep), but when it did, I'm still in a state of disbelief that those changes are happening and it's as inevitable as the sky is blue.

So here's a quick one because although I'm not that comfortable talking about them, I'm just going to share them briefly. Because it's constantly bothering me that I could've been better prepared for this (at least mentally) but didn't and I could've been better informed about them but wasn't.

1. The Flood
Well yes this part is expected - the bleeding. After having them on hold for 40 weeks, what do you expect to happen when the plug is finally pulled? It rained day and night, as in the days of Noah. Unlike a normal menses, the discharge continues for up to several weeks. In my case, it was like mm... 6 or 7 weeks. But then this is manageable as most new moms undergo a period of confinement at this time. How did I get by? I supposed it went unceremoniously as I had a more pressing matter to be concerned about e.g the baby, the confinement, the breastfeeding, the family, etc.

2. The Belly Paunch
I still have them, and doing plenty of sit-ups to try to minimize them. I can forget about a flat belly because my belly has always been cute and bumpy. Now more so. Haha. I supposed it can't disappear forever as my uterus shrink back to it's normal size. And I supposed I should thank all the Cokes and Sundrop I had when I was wading off the sugar cravings.

3. The Rock 
Perhaps I'm one of the more lucky ones because although I went through a brief period of breasts engorgement (sometimes they were hard as rocks, even I was a little alarmed), it was not as painful as what I've been told about. Or maybe I followed the program right (when to express milk, when to feed the baby, what to do when you can't express etc) so it didn't cause too much problem. Here's a big thanks to the nurses at Normah Hospital because they were really helpful with tips and advice and even encouragement. Oh by the way, if you don't have a water heater for warm baths at home, now is a good time to install one. Hot showers do wonders for them rocks. =)

4. The Breakouts
I don't normally have any problems with acne or pimples and my facial skin is clear at most times. During the pregnancy months, I actually experienced a smoother and clearer skin. Glowing, some may say. However, two weeks after the birth, my face went through a period of breakouts like nobody's business! Okay I exaggerate. It wasn't so bad but the red splotches here and there and sometimes appearing and disappearing without warning were really annoying. The skin was also kind of dry and although moisturizer helps, it doesn't do much to stop it. Inevitable... of course. Drinking plenty of fluid helps, and so does staying away from the sun. It naturally stopped on its own though.

5. The Hairball
This is the most annoying one. My doctor actually warned me about them but I didn't think it was anything I should worry about until it actually occurred. When I was pregnant, my hair felt thick and glossy and voluminous, they even stopped falling off, all thanks to the hormones. But about 3 months after giving birth, the hair-fall comes with a vengeance! It's still happening as I type this, to my dismay. I used to experience hair fall previously, but it wasn't as bad as this. This is literally hair-shedding! Every morning when I wake up, I'd run my fingers through my hair and like 5 - 10 strands come off at one go. The floor, on a good day, has strands of hair here and there. I couldn't even shampoo my hair without taking off clumps of hair from the drain cover. I think the thinning patches are showing and it doesn't look good on me. This is the one change I'm truly upset about and can't wait for it to end in a month or so before I go completely bald! Kidding. It's just the body's way of returning to normal and some stuffs need to mend.

6. The Thyroid Nods Swell
Ah. This one. Tricky. And it doesn't happen to everyone. So ask your mom if it runs in the family especially after you've had an operation, because it happened to me and I had to undergo another operation to deal with it. The doctor said it wasn't cancerous but at the same time, there were no medications for it and if the swell is left unattended, it could go bigger in years although still non-cancerous. I had a tiny lump the size of tiny quail egg on the right neck after I had the C-Sec, which wasn't even there before. All that hormone overdrive allegedly triggered it. Couldn't really see them unless you look closely. I survived them --Thank You God-- and I have the visible scar to prove it. My best friend said it's my lucky natural necklace that only special people have. True, that. =)

There are actually other changes but they're not as obvious as the above. So how do I deal with all these changes? They will eventually stop naturally and that should indicate the body is done doing its round and is back to normal. All in its time. But most importantly, I tell myself everyday that my beautiful and healthy baby girl is totally worth it all. :-)

And so, will this make me think twice about having a sibling for Carissa? Nah. Babies are God's gifts to mankind. Remember that it's a blessing to even be able to conceive.

That's all for today, and sorry no visual aids. But thanks for reading!

Back at work...

[Note: Must update this. It's March. Sorry for the remiss.]

Been 15 days already since I came back to work after a three-month leave. Boy have I got a lot to catch up on and get used to all over again... waking up early, daily wardrobe battle, skipping home breakfast, getting caught in the morning traffic, hair woes etc... etc... etc... Workwise, I just need to refresh my memory and sharpen my skill once again.

The hardest part about coming back to work after a long official inactive existence is not the work. It's about being away from my baby for the first time after spending every second with her for the past 3 months. But I supposed if other working new mothers can do it, so can I. I just have to brave it every day and keep myself busy for the next 8 hours before rushing home to my little family.

Gotta look excited, right? =)

The kind of work I do however does not always include going home on the dot. In fact it also includes being away from home for a few days when the work requires it. I used to love traveling and going outstation or visit new places when I was single, because it was the only way I could escape from reality. The irony of it is of course the relaxing and soul searching part that I used to find when I did get away.

Now... I'm not sure how to put it. I still love traveling, it's just perhaps with a heavy heart.. .what's with it being left at home with the baby/daddy and all. However, if it's a holiday travel together, that would be a totally different thing. :D

How's the baby doing? She's fine! The first month was an adventure as clueless new parents, both us and the baby getting to know each other and setting up a routine (or upsetting a routine hahaha then reset). The second month was independence period, me learning to handle the baby on my own without my mom around. The third month was a revelation... when the baby begins to coo and smile and learning to recognize faces. Her sleeping routine though hasn't changed much.

And how is the daddy doing? He has been such a tremendous pillar of strength for me. Because we're doing this alone without staying-in parents or nannies or babysitters, he has been very involved with Carissa's development since day one. I must say he's such a natural with babies. :D He is even a pro at bathing an infant, trust me. Even Carissa love her bath time, judging from her cooing and smiles when she's in the tub with daddy holding her.

Baby-mommy leisure time at home... pardon the mess...

 

I miss one thing though... little baby otter moving in my womb actively for the past few months before her delivery. I tell her that every chance I get now. When I look at that adorable lovely face, I just couldn't fathom how such an amazing miracle ever lived in my belly for 10 months. The wonders of God.

So here I am.
Back at work.
Life goes on.
Happy to return.
Have a blessed Wednesday everyone!



Nibbly itty bitty chubs...

Asks every new mom with a new daughter: 

"How is it possible that out of all the little girls in the whole world, we got the best one?"

"Because she is mine!" Answers each one. 

Thank Heavens for little girls.

 Itty...

 Bitty...

 Mynie...

 Moe...

Sweetie petiteie...

My Baby Otter, everyone!

Postdated journal: The derailed birth plan ...

[Note: Motherhood Journal Pt 3]
Read about Pt 1 HERE on Obstetrician and Pt 2 HERE on Pregnancy side effects

Part of me want to share some valuable notes here while another part of me rebel at the idea of parting with some personal information. And then I thought about how I went through this motherhood experience feeling quite unprepared, overwhelmed, and didn't know what to expect, and I thought, it shouldn't really be like that. And I realized I get much moral support from reading blogs written by other new moms. Given, every experience is different, but they're not too far from the grid.

So here goes Part 3.

Upon nearing your due date, one of the first things your obgyn (obstetrician/gynecology) will ask you is: Do you have a birth plan? Honestly, I didn't know I need to have one (let alone know what is one) until my second obgyn asked me about it.

BabyCenter.com actually has a good Birth Plan sheet that you can download, print, fill in and bring to the hospital for their reference. Show it to the midwife or nurse who will arrange your admittance, for their attention, in case they don't know what you've discussed with your obgyn. It's the same one I use, although I ended up not using it at all because my delivery process changed due to some unforeseen circumstances. Thus most ticked points in that sheet became void.

A birth plan is basically your preferences on how you wish your delivery process to happen, with some important decisions that could affect the whole birth experience... like do you want natural or C-section birth? do you want inducement? do you want pain killers? do you want to give birth lying down, standing up, water birth or etc? do you want to be asked first before any major decisions need to be made especially life-threatening ones? who do you want to be in the delivery room with you? Etc... It's just like a guide so both you and baby will have the ultimate experience. Most private hospitals require a Birth Plan. I'm not sure about government hospital though.

A night before the big day... Couple sans baby... 

(see my swollen nose)

For the most part and from the beginning, I was assured that I would have a normal delivery. In fact, both my gynaes were confident that I would undergo a normal delivery. This, based on the monthly progress as per the monthly routine antenatal checkup and based on the growth of the baby, and/or whatever symptoms I was having. In fact, up until the very last few minutes, I was sure I would have a normal delivery.

So then, why didn't I, in the end? The Birth Plan sheet that I printed nicely and put in my hospital bag, well... it didn't make it out of the bag.

This is where I tell you that sometimes, some things will not go as well as you plan out or as accurate as any doctor will tell you. Sometimes your body just sort of has a mind of its own. You just have to go with the flow and trust your instinct, but most importantly, stay calm and trust in God.

Having a bony physique made me a bit resistant to pain. In fact, throughout my term, I was surprised by the energy burst I had on a daily basis which made managing work easier, and outstation duty more bearable. Plus, an amazing appetite.

So what does a contraction feels like, if you ask me? I won't know until now. My husband and I once joked "I'm feeling kinda strong throughout all this. What if I had a contraction and didn't know it?" That would be kind of scary if that happened. 

I went from Week 38 to Week 40 feeling both excited and agitated more and more every day, coupled with that anxious feeling of not really knowing what to expect. That Braxton Hicks? I hope that was what it was. If it was, it felt more like an annoying tiny inconsistent muscle spasm. And for the record, I've never done so much shopping and window shopping than while waiting for the contractions to hit. There was no mall we didn't visit around town, or visited more than once. Hahaha.

Even managed to shop for Christmas tree while waiting...

When I reached Week 41 without even a tiny contraction, we began to panic. Me, mostly. And here's where my doctor repeated the information that private hospital's protocol in which they would allow only 7 days allowance after your due date. According to her, government hospital allows 10 days allowance but that wouldn't really be advisable, depending on the fetal condition.

A week before my due date, the checkup using a scanning machine (kinda like the kind they use to detect and measure tremor) showed that there wasn't any contraction. Further inspection using the "stretch and sweep" method showed the cervix was fully closed, and the baby's position -- although already head down gearing up for delivery since week 30 -- the head did not engage well at the opening of the cervix. And this, because her size was quite big.

And then I thought about all those maternal milk I drank, the cans of coke I consumed, the amount of really awesome calories I've piled up on since getting pregnant... and I went "I did that. I fed this baby too much! It was my fault she grew big in there..." It was kinda funny, but at the same time worrying. That talk about pregnant women eating for two? Well it should not be taken literally. Something to note should I have that chance to get pregnant again later on.

The scanning machine used to check signs of contraction and detect fetal's heartbeat...

There were a few factors that in the end, decided the method of delivery, all from a medical point of view and after checking my condition on a weekly basis and up till the date of birth:

1. The size of the baby...
2. Which caused the baby's head to not engage well at the birth canal ...
3. Which caused the cervix to continue to close and not ready, even though it had begun to thin out...
4. Which caused there to be no contraction at all because the body isn't ready...
5. Which resulted in the baby being overdue because she wasn't primed up for birth...
6. Which would make attempt to induce labor having a high failure rate and might result in emergency operation (which will affect fetal condition, and of course ... cost)
7. Also because there was one cord wound around the neck. Even though this was informed much earlier in the early trimester, the doctor assured us it was normal and not a cause for concern, although it is something to be taken into consideration...
8. Which, in any case, we were advised not to wait any longer but to decide and to decide quickly...
9. All things considered, the doctor advised that we either go for inducement or go straightaway for operation, in which case there won't be any more waiting...
10. And thus, after a few moments of weighing all possibilities and talking to my family, we opted for scheduled operation.

What was soothing was when I texted my sister about the whole thing, she replied that having an operation was okay too because she went through the same experience and things turned out well (a fact that if I had known about earlier, I would've been less scared). Having someone you know go through the experience acted as a moral support that does help, see?

Okay then I'm gonna stop here because it's already getting too boring and wordy. My point is, I was kind of disappointed I did not have a normal delivery, but in the end it all worked out for good. I actually had a day and a night to mentally prepare myself for the ultimate life-changing moment.

And you know what else is awesome? Hearing the first cry of my baby right after she came out of me was the best moment ever. Thus history was written that on the 16 Dec 2014, I was no longer the same person that was wheeled into the operation theater ... I came out a mother.

Tadaaa!! Meet little Carissa Dhea...

It is true the saying that goes "You don't know unconditional love until you've had a child." Falling in love is magical, getting married to your true love is stuffs of fairy tale, but giving birth to a baby... that is the ultimate life altering experience.

Post Note: Thanks for reading! More on Motherhood Journal coming up!

Postdated journal: Some pregnancy side effects I didn't know about until I had them...

[Note: Motherhood Journal Pt 2]
Read about Pt 1 HERE (Choosing your preferred obstetrician)

[Hello! Blogging while the baby's asleep... ]

Been a month now since the birth of Carissa, and it all went by so quickly as if in a dream. Feels like just yesterday I was this big awkward ballooning woman who went about town waiting and waiting for the ultimate experience that would finally make me a mommy. And now that it has passed... I guess it's normal to say that I miss those moments of having her growing and constantly moving inside me. Unbelievably amazing and delightful... to finally hold her in my arms. Who knew it'd be such a moving and emotional experience?

I wanted to chronicle this pregnancy journey before, but due to some factors, the whole period came and went and all I did was just mentally keeping tab of the details for documentation later. I supposed now is a good time as any. Sharing is caring, right? I hope that it would be helpful to some ladies out there because reading about them is one thing, knowing your friends went through them is another thing.

It's true what they say about seeing is believing, or in this case... experiencing is believing. Here are some of the side effects, symptoms and occurrence that happened throughout my 9 months journey. Bear in mind that not every woman go through the same things. Some had it easier, some had it rougher, some had it slightly mediocre, and some breezed through it like it didn't even happen. Every woman is different and unique, and therefore it's really hard to tell.

At Week 35...

Here goes mine:

1. Easily tired by the end of the day and thus early bedtime every evening for the first 2 months. But we didn't know we were pregnant then, I just assumed it was due to work and mental exhaustion. Usually bedtime would be 11.30pm onwards for the both of us, but when I started nodding off on the sofa by 8.30pm, something must be happening. This happened on the 1st trimester.

2. Heartburn and indigestion. I began to realise I get full very fast and that my normal meal portion just didn't make the cut any more. If I happen to eat the whole plate, I would end up having to make myself throw up otherwise I would be very uncomfortable all day/night. I did a little reading and found out heartburn is caused when the contents of the stomach is flushed back towards the lower part of the oesophagus (where the food goes down). Heartburn is very uncomfortable. Started on the 1st trimester.

3. Numb fingers and tingling palms upon waking up in the morning, as if I slept on my hands all night. It hurt more when I tried to flex the fingers, however it went away 15 minutes later, or after I showered. This started happening on the 2nd trimester. Yes, I thought I did sleep on my hands all night, which could also happened, but when it happened most nights, I did a little net research.

4. Coca cola craving. With lots and lots of ice. This occurred since the pregnancy began. You can't mention Coca Cola to my face, otherwise I'd be wishing and craving for it and won't let up until I actually get it. Sometimes I'd down two cans in one go. This was, I swear, my only vice. Too much sugar is not good for pregnancy if you have high blood sugar, thankfully I had a healthy history. For the record, Carissa was a little large at birth which made natural birth difficult... but I'd like to believe the size was probably due my really good overall appetite. :-) Weirdly, craving for coffee is non-existent, None at all.

5. Nosebleed. This is actually caused by blood vessel burst on the front part of the nose. The bleeding was irregular and happened sometimes when I blew my nose in the morning or when it got too cold in the day. No blood flowing (thankfully), just spots of blood clot that were easily cleaned with tissue. This occurred since the pregnancy began but I only discovered it was related due to hormon change after Googling it. I was alarmed at first, but much research proved helpful.

6. Minor prurigo - dry rash and red dots of skin on the soles of the feet and part of the hand palms. Not itchy, just annoying looking, like skin allergy. Happens throughout 2nd trimester. By 3rd trimester, disappeared altogether. Some of the ways to relief the dry rash is to wear padded sandals, reduce jewelry especially ring (including wedding ring). No rubbing or scratching, just leave it be. My gynae explained this quite in detail so it wasn't so scary, and he did say it will go away.

7. Less hair falling. This used to be a daily woe whenever I comb or wash my hair, seeing lots of hair falling out. But throughout the pregnancy, I noticed less and less hair falling, sometimes just 1 or 2 strands, upon pulling them roughly off the head. They actually stayed on my head and each strand even began to grow thicker... or maybe I was imagining it. I read that it's common for some pregnant women to go through this stage of lustrous hair, due to the hormon change. Well I do hope it stays that way.

8. Swollen ankles. This occurred on the last month of the 3rd trimester, thank God. Manageable by lying down and elevating both feet above body level every 20 minutes or so. And by drinking a lot of water and avoiding salty drinks (like plum juice). And walking around to encourage blood circulation. Some women might experience a more extreme case of swollen feet, puffy hands and face, due to excessive water retention.

Huaa... fat feet!

9. Feet went a size bigger. Let's not talk about fingers... I took off my wedding band on the second final month, not just because the wedding finger got chubbier, but also because the edge of the ring started biting into my skin that taking it off took extra effort with lotion. I almost cried when inching it off painstakingly, thinking it would get stuck there... Overdramatic. The feet size went back to normal after delivery though, thank God for that.

10. Constantly out of breath when speaking. It's like my heart was racing and went head over heels! Giving a talk or doing presentation is actually a challenge at this stage.

11. Soft snores. Blame those swollen mucous membranes again. The congested nose forces you to breathe through your mouth and snore. Another factor is heartburn in which food wasn't digested properly and gave that feeling as if you have bones stuck in your throat, and interfere with normal breathing. Well... I didn't know until I actually heard myself snorted in the beginning of slumber while my brain was arrested in that space between wakefulness and sleep. I am glad to note that this side effect disappeared after delivery, thank God.

12. Vivid dreams. I once had a dream I was a fairy cum python catcher who lived in a swamp full of lochness. At one point, I also dreamed of Magic Mike lookalike giving me a birthday party dance. Sometimes there's a harem involved. Well... not all vivid dreams are sexual of nature, some are just downright ridiculous. Maybe there's something in the prenatal vitamin...

Google Pic

13. Excessive salivation. Pretty much why I prefer not to talk too much. Also why snores happen, because the excess saliva caused the throat to contract and block breathing.

14. Constipation. This is a more common side effect among pregnant woman it seems. Eating veges and fruits and drinking lots of water helps. Other than that, it would actually get worst as you progress in your pregnancy because the bigger the baby becomes, the more it restricts bowel movement.

15. Frequent urination. This is well, a given. Towards my third trimester, I visited the loo like 2 -3 times after midnight. Sometimes the sensation of wanting to pee is just too much, but when you visit the ladies, there isn't much pee at all. Again, as you progress, baby growth will put pressure on your urine system.

16. Backache. Sometimes I didn't do much work but still the back aches. Better to rest more if this happens in the early part of pregnancy. We need to reserve our strength. :-)

17. Skin turned a shade darker. My gynae explained that due to hormonal change and the excessive production of melamine, dark-skin women will just get darker while fairer one will go down a tone. I'm a cross between brown and fair so going down a shade darker is more obvious.

18. Slight goiter. I noticed this happening a few weeks before delivery. It was quite alarming seeing a tiny lump on the side of my neck which wasn't even there before, but some reading really helped. It is supposed to disappear a few weeks after delivery, so I read, but medication should help to reduce the swell faster.

19. Linea Nigra. I developed that vertical line on my belly as my stomach got bigger and the skin got tauter. The line is actually pretty sexy. Myths had it that the line determines the sex of the baby. I still have the line, it's fading now.

20. Dry skin. This is also another common side effect.

21. Increased antibody. Throughout my pregnancy, my body seemed to be developing extra antibody on its own causing me to be extra-resistant against common illness such as flu or fever. Maybe it's the prenatal vitamin too. :-)

Fetal movement tab to ensure baby is fine and moving...

I think that's it. Weight gain is also a given. What women don't gain extra pounds when carrying along anyway?

What I didn't have though, was morning sickness or nausea. The only dizzy feeling I had was right after I ate and is full, any other picture of food will render me nauseous. So that doesn't count.

One thing that's probably is a myth but perhaps can prove to be true: Ask your mom how she went through her pregnancy when she had you (and your siblings). No matter if she had it easy or if she had it bad, chances are you will likely go through the same things.

So ladies, whatever symptoms or signs you have that weren't there before, make sure you talk to your Gynae about them during your routine antenatal visits. He/She should be able to point you in the right direction and ease your nerve.

Remember, this is just for sharing purposes from one woman's experience, hoping it would help some other ladies out there going through their pregnancy journey. Like my Gynae said, "A pregnancy is a blessing, not a sickness. Live your life as you were and enjoy the moments."

That thing called 'infant belly binder' ...

Don't know if anybody has ever heard of this little conventional newborn gear, but I was born and raised in a culture where it's widely practiced and passed down from generations. I'm pretty sure some other cultures have it too, like the Malays and the Chinese, just perhaps called by a different name or has a different look. Or perhaps not, since these are modern times and most modern moms these days go by just fine as well, or maybe just buy the ready-made binders sold at baby departmental store.

In Malay it's called barut gantung bayi for the triangle shaped one or bedung for the rectangle one. While some tradition requires the binders to be worn on the inside of the clothing which is directly protecting the baby's skin, some traditions wore them on the outside after the layers of clothing. It doesn't matter, they function quite the same way.

Of course all other parts of an infant needs to be well cared for, especially the head and neck area -- to name a few essential ones -- and that small soft really fragile space between the top of the head and the forehead. But that's another story...

Putting on an infant belly binder or a baby navel protector on a newborn is a traditional custom where I come from. The Bidayuh Biatah called it 'uto' as in 'oo-tow'. That's for the triangle-looking baby belly binder (below) which I'm in favour of and have procured at home for the upcoming little one.

What the lady from Pu3store texted me...

According to my mother, the infant belly protector is to protect a newborn's belly and navel area especially the umbilical cord stump during the baby's first few weeks after delivery.  Keeping these areas well covered is crucial after a baby is born, to make sure they're not exposed to air or come in contact with urine.

Infants need to at least wear these protective gears inside their other clothing for 1 or 2 weeks, maybe longer... depending on when the stump will get dry and fall off on its own which then will leave a tiny hole in the belly which we lovingly call belly button. Oh don't worry, I'm well covered for these parts - I've babysat my nieces and nephews before and that's always a curious miraculous happening to me.

Made from soft cottony material, uto is triangular in shape with soft cotton strings attached at each vertex/corner to securely bind the piece of cloth around a baby. My mom would usually made these binders herself from leftover cloths or cutouts, occasionally using different patterns of cloth to create a really cute one. The more childish pattern the better... let the creativity run free. Since it was easy to make and wouldn't take up too much time, she would sew like 10 to 20 at one time. And then passed on to the next sibling that comes along.

Bought these from Pu3store Online

I'm sure my grandma helped made some in those days... apparently sewing these utos were a favorite mother-daughter (or future grandma and future mother) past-time while waiting for the newcomer to arrive... all loving thoughts and hope filling up the conversation. And sometimes, really close relatives like a future aunty or grandaunty (who can sew) will gift these to her future niece/nephew as a way of saying "I want to be a part of your growing up adventure".

In a way, this uto not only protects the baby, but brings the clans close together ... in a more family-oriented melodramatic sense of the word lah... Hehe.

So what happens to them after the baby passes the critical few weeks or months? Well... they can continue wearing them for fashion's sakes, like an inner clothing or a singlet. In fact, I think it makes babies wearing them look really adorable and very huggable! Reasoning aside, very fancy fashion sense indeed if I say so myself. :D

 Checkout how this handsome lil baby boy wore his at 3 months!

Oh by the way, for the record, I may be a modern-day mom, but I believe that some customs are good and should be made a tradition so we won't easily forget how we were raised. On the other hand, I had no time to make these on my own (even though I very well can sew and there's a sewing machine at my house) since I work in the daytime and gets tired really fast by nighttime. BUT... I managed to buy these online! Surprisingly there are some part-time mothers out there doing this home-made binders and sell them online for a very reasonable price.Yay for online shopping! You can also check out www.kiutmiut.com for variety.

And with that note... here's to Week36 and counting! 

The tricky thing about choosing your preferred Obstetrician ...

[Note: Motherhood Journal Pt 1]

Sometimes there's just no way to say it but to say it straight.

When we first knew we were expecting -- you know, like, after the first 3 pee-on-a-stick tests to be really really sure -- the first question that came to mind was... so hey, on which episode did it take flight? Haha. Oh trust me... the doctor will want to know this too, to try to pin out your estimated due date. Well, more accurately, they will ask when your last day of menses is. So if you screw that up and forget when, then your EDD will be messed up a bit too. 

And then there are the other more pressing questions like... Do we go see a doctor right away? Which doctor do we go to and which clinic or hospital? Are we going to stick with the same doctor till we go into labor or do we get him/her to recommend us a better option?

I supposed nobody can blame first timers. In fact, you should be asking all these questions and find the answers because the things you read in Google search these days can either be right or more opinion-based than the actual thing. So it is a very good idea to get an expert's opinions.

Peek-a-boo! At 32 weeks... Pic courtesy of daddy.

Now back to the question of choosing the right doctor. 'Right' means to me that the doctor provides all the information and care that I expect from a doctor, and offers information instead of asking if i have any other questions. New mommies sometimes don't really know how to deal with "Do you have any questions you want to ask me?"

When asked the first time, of course I was ready with my sets of questions of things I feel I need to know in case my doctor didn't tell me right away. Standard first-time-appointment questions that every new mommy felt obliged to ask. But as we progress, I felt there were less and less questions and I wasn't sure I covered every ground or if I missed anything I'm supposed to know but didn't or were afraid to ask, in case you know, I'd look stupid if I were supposed to know the answer to that but didn't.

Sometimes there are some embarrassing concerns some women feel more comfortable discussing with a lady doctor than a male doctor. And sometimes there are moments you'd feel like the lady doctor takes you being a woman for granted and expects you to learn these things as you go along like every other woman before you because perhaps that would be the best lesson.

And sometimes some male doctors are more understanding and more sympathetic to your plight than you ever thought possible, because you know... they're male. What would they know about giving birth other than what they're being taught in medical schools, right? Which brings to mind, what makes a man suddenly decide to be an obstetrician or a gynecologist in the first place? Baffling thought, like wonders of the universe known only to the man himself.

I started out picking a lady doctor blindly from a list of few other lady doctors from this private hospital. Not knowing much about her other than what her reviews in blogs said about her. Which is not bad either. In fact, the reviews were right.

She is nice, friendly, crack jokes once in a while to put us both at ease. We were fine with her in the beginning, in fact, we thought we would stick by her till the time comes. But as we moved along month by month, I found that the more she asked me if I have any questions at the end of every consultation, I found like, there it was... that feeling like I should know something or ask something advance, but what the heck it is I can't put a finger on it. Like, there must be something missing.

And then, like a cue from heaven, she decided to take a 1-month leave to go overseas for a personal religious trip. So what was I to do but find a replacement doctor until she comes back. Picking another doctor blindly is something I found inconvenient and a little troublesome considering HEY THERE'S A LOT I DON'T KNOW ALREADY AND NOW I HAVE TO START ALL OVER AGAIN? 

Of course I didn't say that out loud. Ever the lady I must be. *smirk*

There you go. Tricky, isn't it. But like a good Christian, I prayed about this too for God to show me something... some sign... that perhaps I had missed in the first place. Some wisdom and discernment sure is tacky at a moment like this.

That being said, we met this other male obstetrician last week and whoa... Halleluiah! In the space of a few minutes, he was answering all the questions I didn't even need to ask and didn't even know I should already be asking! Like, hey, he can read my mind! Of course, this was after the few minutes of getting over my background check just to get it right even though most of my history is right there on the ante-natal card. Doctor's own policy, he said.

Even when doing the ultrasound scan, he was so patient and gentle. There are some merits on him that I found amazing and thought to myself "Imagine if my doctor didn't conveniently go on a prolong holiday, I would never have discovered you!"

His secretary was also much much nicer (but all of them were nice there). By the way, I asked the missy "Is it ok if I change doctor? Is she going to be offended? Is this going to create problem among them? Is it unethical of me?" She convinced me it is okay and in her own words "You're the one who's going into that labour ward. Your comfort is what matters. Besides, people do it all the time."

Some signs huh?

It's like going shopping, sometimes you like what you're paying for but eventually you will feel like you need something more. So then like it or not, you need to go shopping again and maybe make a change here and there, by trial and error. So what do I look for when choosing my preferred doctor?

1. One who offers the information instead of asking if I have any questions.
2. One who is patient, gentle and understanding.
3. Soft-spoken and always make an effort to make me feel comfortable.
4. Address all the embarrassing concerns to my face, without batting an eye, and make sure it's important that I get it right
5. Address my husband like an equal, because he is an essential element in this picture
6. Not too serious, knows when to joke, and when to keep it real
7. Is not to busy or have too many patients otherwise you just have to wait in long queues
8. Read all the reviews about the doctor, Google is a good source. And also ask the other nurses.
9. Has that generally trustworthy 'confidante' face.
10. Makes you feel like you can trust him/her with your life... and your baby's.

That being said, it's decided. The heck with it, I am changing doctor.

Generic colours for the lil one...

P/s: By the way, in case you're wondering, me and baby check in at Normah Medical Specialist every month. Among many personal reasons why we decide to go there and not to a government clinic/hospital, the only one reason I can tell you is that it is only a few minutes away from home.

P/s again: And no, we do not want to know the sex of the baby. We even pre-warned the doctors not to tell us even if they knew. So will it affect shopping for baby stuff? Nah... In the olden days, our parents got by just fine.

If my mother had a blog ...

... I could only imagine what she would write about.

She is this gentle soft-spoken lady who doesn't talk much, but speaks when the situation calls for it. By soft-spoken, I mean when she deals with friends and acquaintances or even strangers. But in bringing up her children, she is always assertive and will only raise her voice (or her eyebrow) when the situation becomes too much for both parties.

Of course, growing up outside of the technology era, childhood then was  more fun. No TV means no violent shows or soap comedies or daytime series where teenagers talk back to their parents etc. There were books, meager toys, and actual friends and same-age cousins who came over for playtime. Bringing up kids in those days were relatively easier.

I can imagine my mom writing a post about how her eldest kid excelled in babysitting the other siblings. How quickly they grew up and how she would wish she could hold back time. Or not... especially when the only boy in the family kept her on her toes all day.

She would probably write about the first day of school for everyone. Dad was a teacher then. He was transferred a lot, resulting in some of us growing up in different place, space and time hence the diverse childhood experiences.

My first day of school took place in Simunjan where my dad was the Headmaster. You'd think someone like me would be more obedient, or would love school because dad ran the school. Nope. I rebelled the first week of school. Throwing a tantrum (which lasted for a week) every time mom would wake me up. I can imagine she would post a picture of me hanging on the front door all teary-eyed and sniffly and looking unkempt while dad tried in vain to talk me into following him to school (with the other pupils watching). His gentle diplomacy apparently worked with the older kids, but not on the second youngest.

Lounging on the Throne: A cranky 3-year-old...

If mom had an Instagram, all of us kids would be a living journal then.

She would also probably write about her kids' achievement. Who got what place in class, who got how many A's, who wore what, whose friends bring what toys home, etc. It would be fun to read.

On the offhand note, she would also probably post about her adventures moving towns with dad after every promotion. She would probably hint of wanting to stay rooted or take permanent root elsewhere near home, but never would she write about her dissatisfaction. If she had any. She's the kind of woman who takes things all in stride. Back when she was adventurous then.

Being a teacher's wife and a mother of six -- all girls and just 1 boy -- probably has its own drama and adventure. I don't ever recall her complain about anything in her life. Not her wardrobe, her looks, not even her house which was always in a state of kids-chaos.

I was 7 years old when dad left the teaching profession to become a Pastor. And then the lady of the house followed suit and transformed to become a preacher's wife. I think she was made for her role, her humility and quiet strength just all fell into place. Dad must've been very proud to have her by his side throughout the transition. Even now.

I remember bringing my boyfriend (now my fiance) home about a year plus ago. She was always courteous even while sizing up the man who she suspected was the one to take me away someday. She didn't ask much question, didn't offer much information either, but just sat there indulging us with her quiet company. Sometimes she seemed far away in her thoughts that I was often surprised how astute her sense of hearing was. Mothers.

If she had a Twitter then, she would probably say "Daughter brought home bf today. Possibly the one?" or perhaps "Look who's joining for lunch today! The first time my little girl brought someone home who isn't a classmate or a former playmate" or maybe "Omg I cannot believe my eyes. My baby's all grown up!". I'm ancient, but it's good to read that if she ever did tweet like that.

And now closer to my wedding day, I suppose she would write about the going-ons with her future son in law. Her deepest thoughts on the whole interlada, and if she would agree on the man of my choice, etc. She won't write it all out -- knowing full well I'd be a follower of course -- but if there's one thing my mom is good at, it's saying things accurately without saying anything at all. A strange kind of apt vagueness that few people could read into. Something that I learned from her. Vagueness I mean.

Mostly, she would lay out in coherent words her own preparations for the big day. Giving advice to friends, maybe dispensing tips on weddings etc. Wait... that doesn't sound like her. Perhaps she would just write The 101 on how to let go of your second youngest daughter. [Second youngest kids are usually more cranky and needs more attention than the youngest due to them being in that position. Youngest kids get to have full attention what.]

My mother's daughter...

Sigh. If my mother had a blog, I  bet she would be a very good writer. She would hit her mark right on the spot. She would be vague, insightful, perhaps a tad sarcastic, dropping lots of hints, but always straight to the point... if you know what her points are. All from the single point of view of a wife and a mother. And a very sharp observer.

But, as it is, I am only imagining this. I wish she did, because then she could write a whole book. Those are stuffs of a good story. How can the world survive without stories like hers? To have seen the world and not write about it, to have lived and relived those valuable life experiences and not recount them, to have gone through and so much, and not record them?

Meanwhile, this is a recount of my own journey. Soon I will be someone's wife, and while I am still and will always be my mother's daughter, I foresee that I will have less time to spend with her. I hope by the grace of God, I am in her eyes, the woman she always prayed I would grow to be.

This is a dedication to you Mommy, the Queen of My Heart. <3. I thank God for you everyday. *sniffs sniffs*

NOTE: COUNTDOWN TO THE BIG DAY Pt 1

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Next: Now if DADDY had a blog...