And sometimes...

There was a time in my life when I thought I wanted to be a doctor. So I made sure I enrolled in the science stream class, made sure I pass my Biology subject, made sure I pass my Add Maths, and was pretty sure I didn't faint at the sight of blood.

Sometimes I wanted to be a Radio Deejay. That would've been cool too. Playing your favorite songs on air, becoming one of those radio personality with a voice without having to show your face because you dislike direct communication or insecure about your looks, working flexible hours and still make ends meet...

Sometimes I wanted to be a teacher because my dad was one... A Pastor because saving souls was detrimental and I could relate... A Musician even though I could play just one instrument... An Actress because I could shed tears at will and talk to the mirror like a pro ... A housewife because I wanted to keep the house and raise children on my own...

But sometimes you meet people and things change. Sometimes what you did to get there -- all the efforts and hard work -- did not go hand in hand with what your heart really wanted at the time. And sometimes, confusion reeled in with the tie between your heart and your head. Sometimes some days are better than others and sometimes things were just looking up and in a split second it was gone. At growing up stage, what do you really know what to do with your life anyway?

Well, we can only walk so far, but when you make your decision at the crossroad, your course in life changed. And sometimes you can't go back but move on. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow, for what else can you do? But sometimes it isn't always a bad thing either, sometimes it turns out for the best. Sometimes, not all the time.

There are so many 'sometimes' in our lives that we wish for things to be different. But upon looking at where we end up at, sometimes in 'sometimes' itself we forget to be grateful and give thanks that things did not turn out the way we initially wanted it.

I guess what I am saying is, I accept and am grateful today for what I have become, what I have gone through and where I am right now. I am still a nobody where fame and fortune is concerned, but sometimes, life isn't just about all that. We need to be thankful too and act like it.

It's all part of life, living, live and let live.

Okay, good talk.

Some days are better than others...

And some days are just better with a cup of tea...

Indulgence...

 

If you're going to have a cheat day, I always say, do it properly and make the most out of it so that should you ever regret it later, it was worth it.

Have a wonderful weekend lovelies!

P/s: A crazy week, and then an anticlimactic week, and then me... setting side coffee in place of tea. Some days I wonder should I continue referring to myself as Coffee Girl?

Beautiful inside...

How do you define 'beautiful' in a harsh and judgmental world that we live in today? Do you look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself 'Am I beautiful?' Or is beauty truly lies in the eye of the beholder?

I don't know. I don't call myself beautiful to begin with. But that's just some superficial thought and it is irrelevant anyhow. You can easily lose this face in the crowd, or don't remember it after the first glance. But that's not important at all. Because to have true physical beauty, you have to be either born with it or have it re-engineered at a later life stage. But true inner beauty is simply there and sometimes you don't even know you have it until circumstances and situations bring it out in the open. You either have them or you don't.

Whether you have or do not have beauty, there is no need to justify yourself. Here are some reasons to ponder should you ever have to ask yourself: "Am I beautiful inside?"

1) If you have a kind, good, generous heart (and that's not just merely saying your strength in the interview sheets), then you are beautiful.

2) If you love a child (or all children who you are in contact with) and are gentle with them, then you are beautiful.

3) If you show respect even when respect is lacking in the other person, chances are it's because you have inner beauty and you see something worth respecting in that person. You are beautiful.

4) If you are honorable, of mature and thoughtful character, sensitive to the needs of others, help people in desperate situation, then you are beautiful.

5) If you show respect and honor to your elders, especially your own parents, then you are beautiful.

6) If you see a starving, wet kitten meowing outside looking for food and shelter, and you take in the poor creature (or at least feed it before letting it go because it might be someone's), then you are beautiful.

7) If you shed a tear every time you read about an abused child, injustice done to women, an abandoned baby, an innocent bystander being killed or beaten for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, an innocence stolen, a life needlessly snuffed out, all the atrocities done to humanity, and you pray and hope for a world which recognizes peace (as hopeless as it may sound at the time), then you are beautiful.

8) If you act selflessly to correct a wrong, and to stand for the poor, the defenseless and the voiceless, then you are beautiful.

9) When you think of the welfare of others and do something to lessen their sufferings, then you are beautiful.

10) If you adopt an orphan, an unwanted baby, an abandoned child, a scared or traumatic child, a child of special needs, then you are indeed beautiful.

11) When you reach out and touch the hands of a scarred person, a disfigured person, a person whose body bears the ravages of diseases, because they need that human touch, then you are beautiful.

12) When you look at a picture of an ugly child and thinks he is absolutely beautiful

13) When you give aid to someone in desperate need of one without asking for something or insisting on nothing in return, and doing it quietly so no one will know or praise your for it, then you are beautiful.

Google pix

The list goes on. Some are perhaps too big or to handle, but focus on yourself and what is truly important for your soul. Being beautiful on the inside is perhaps all about having a heart with a heavy conviction. After all, inner beauty is paramount.

Here's to you mothers: You're A Good Mom...

Hey, it is my first Mother's Day celebration! Being a new mom opens my eyes to so many new feelings and adventures, sometimes it's truly unfathomable. I may still be new at this, but I do get you now mom. This isn't written by me, but it's so good that it's worthy to be shared. Here's a tribute to you mothers...

To the mom who's breastfeeding: Way to go! It really is an amazing gift to give your baby, for any amount of time that you can manage! You're a good mom.

To the mom who's formula feeding: Isn't science amazing? To think there was a time when a baby with a mother who couldn't produce enough would suffer, but now? Better living through chemistry! You're a good mom.

To the cloth-diapering mom: Fluffy bums are the cutest! And so friendly on the bank account. You're a good mom.

To the disposable-diapering mom: Damn those things hold a lot! And it's excellent to not worry about leakage and laundry. You're a good mom.

To the mom who stays at home: I can imagine it isn't easy doing what you do, but to spend those precious years with your babies must be amazing! You're a good mom.

To the mom who works: It's wonderful that you're sticking to your career. You're a positive role model for your children in so many ways, it's fantastic! You're a good mom.

To the mom who had to feed her kids from the drive-thru all week because you're too worn out to cook or go grocery shopping: You're feeding your kids, and hey, I bet they aren't complaining! Sometimes sanity can indeed be found in a red box with a big yellow M on it. You're a good mom.

To the mom who gave her kids a home-cooked breakfast, lunch and dinner for the past week: Excellent! Good nutrition is important, and they're learning to enjoy healthy food at an early age, a boon for the rest of their lives. You're a good mom.

To the mom with the kids who are sitting quietly and using their manners in the fancy restaurant: Kudos! It takes a lot to maintain order with children in a place where they can't run around. You're a good mom.

To the mom with the toddler having a meltdown in the cereal aisle: They always seem to pick the most embarrassing places to lose their minds don't they? We've all been through it. You're a good mom.

To the moms who judge other moms for ANY of the above? Glass houses, friend. Glass houses.

- Anonymous
(Borrowed from www.babysavers.com via Pinterest)

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My 1st mother's Day gift from my babies...

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY ALL YOU AWESOME MOMS OUT THERE!

So are you going to heaven or hell? ...

Pre-Note: Saturday break.

Heard once upon a time. A conversation in a car.
 
Three colleagues, all of different religion and faith, car-pooled to an eatery for a meal. One a Muslim, another a Christian, and one other a Buddhist. The subject of death, good deeds, heaven and hell came up. After some semantics and premise, in short:

The Muslim:  You know guys, in my religion, the two of you are all going to hell if you don't repent.
The Christian: Well, in mine, the two of you are doomed and going to hell too if you don't repent. 
The Buddhist: Haha we're no different. In mine, the two of you are bound for hell. The difference in mine is... what level of hell will you be in.
*All three laughed heartily*
All in agreement and good spirit: So that's right, no issue there then. The conclusion is - We're ALL going to hell!

Post-Note: Before you condemn another person's belief, look first at yourself.

We all should learn to chill sometimes. It is after all a hot day! Go grab yourself an Air Batu Campur.

ABC at Lorong 2, Siburan... cheapest and best

Happy Weekend everybody!

p/s: This is a true story. At the time, it was really hilarious. Recount to capture the spirit of unity, respect, and tolerance. Not meant to offend any religious belief or faith. If you're offended, no apology will be issued.

That thought about God and grief...

This is off topic of any kind. Just a reflection.

Talking about grief. Who understands the word better than those who have gone through the suffering of losing loved ones? Been meaning to approach this subject for a long time but somehow the points kept evading me, and also it might come of sounding insensitive. Not the intention at all.

But you see...

I find it strange that when a loved one dies, people tend to say "God loves him more". "God loves her more."

I not only find it strange, I find it a little lacking in depth because of all the excuse that we can come up with, we have to put it on something that we don't even begin to understand. The implication in that one very line -- in  my own understanding of comprehending grief -- is it makes God sounds like He doesn't care that you love him/her too or that you suffered upon losing a loved one.

Subjectively, every time I hear those words, I mentally tend to add "God loves him more... than WHO?" More than the loved ones left behind? But why the need to put it in a comparative mode because of course God loves all His creation.

Imagine a young woman losing her husband in an accident... how is it emotionally right for us to give words of comfort in that very sentence? Can you really tell her that? Put yourself in her shoes. Someone you loved, depended on, craved the sight of, missed the voice of, presence, heat, intimacy etc...is brutally taken away from you and you don't even get to say goodbye. Try reasoning with her. Does God loved him more that He would prefer her to suffer?

Just a little example.

If this is me defending God, then it is perhaps a futile attempt, but I shall say it anyway because we all know deep in our hearts that God isn't heartless. He shouldn't be made an excuse all the time. Deaths that occurred always have a reason behind them and an explanation that goes beyond all that is humanly explainable. 

Perhaps in some cases where an innocent child died from say, child abuse... I guess it could justify the phrase because indeed God loves the child more and doesn't want the child to suffer further hurt in the hands of his tormentor. But still, that is only my own reasoning. It still doesn't give God enough credit.

I am just saying. Because all this while I've heard that line being used times and again, and I feel like it doesn't sound acceptable at all. It's not being used right. Perhaps it shouldn't be used at all.

Surely there is a better way to handle these passing moments. Life and death are in the hands of God, true. That doesn't mean He would allow one in exchange for another at our expense, as and when He pleases.

I believe that if you cannot find any words to tell a grieving person, perhaps best not to try. Just show them with your presence, your moral and emotional support, anything... other than telling them that.

Post-note: If I offend anyone, I didn't meant to. My apologies. But the opinion stands.

Coffee Girl, the quarter of a story...

When I started with this blog, I had half of an idea of what I wanted to write about. I barely remember why after filtering many possible names to call myself, I ended up with Coffee Girl.

Half of the truth behind the name was that this isn't the first blog I ever owned. This is the fourth after the rest were opened and shut down and opened and shut down one after another. And with each blog came a different heading, a different theme, a different idea, and a different name. After the bleak repose and the drama that came with it, the storms eventually calmed down. Coffee Girl came, slowly blossoming, and most importantly, stayed.

Of all the names I chose for myself before, this one is the least likely to live up to its name. Truthfully, I love coffee but so does a million other women in this world. Friends and peers of the fairer sex who took a daily dose of caffeine to enable them to look the world in the eye one challenging day after another. None of us can have that exclusivity. If at all, we all have that right.

What's in a name? I don't have a real agenda. But whatever and whoever has touched my life has made it into these pages. Their stories and mine connected, has been turned into words. Sometimes it makes sense. Sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes I write incoherently, but surprisingly some readers get me. Sometimes I take aim and miss and sometimes I shoot straight into the air at nothing for reasons unknown or reasons not made known, or no reason at all.

It's the 5th day of November. This is the last month of my life as a single woman. I've always known someday that this part of my life will unfold and that path will be laid in front of me. Ask me if I am scared. Ask me if I am excited. Ask me if I am ready. There are no well-prepped answers for some of life's greatest mystery. The thing to do is have faith and take the reign and enjoy the ride.

Coffee Girl loves coffee, but lately she has revolted. She used to love writing, but now she hardly updates this blog, and apologizing for every remiss. She used to love country music, but lately she stopped Googling for good new songs. She used to love romance novel, but even the last book she bought a year ago stays untouched. She used to love the outdoor and getting sweaty with nature, but her snickers stopped stepping on mud after trekking back from Kinabalu Summit. Has she changed all that much? Perhaps.

Are those good or bad changes? Coffee Girl sees more of the world now, taking trips outside of her comfort zone, stuffs she thought she'd never do or never had the chance to in the past. She takes more care of herself now too, and caring for another. When it comes to evening things up, the lady wins after all. I mean, doesn't love do crazy things to people sometimes?

Writing a blog was the best decision I ever made. It opened the world for me, and the world open up to me. Who's to say what other good things will come out of this?

I don't know where I am actually going with this entry, but when I started, I had a whiff of an idea that some things need explaining. As I reach this line, I believe that some stuffs shouldn't really be explained. Some things are just bigger than what's right in front of you.

I run by a name, but this name isn't mine. This isn't about coffee. This is about life.

Yours truly,
One of the many true blue Coffee Girls.
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Today is 'Increase Your Psychic Powers Day'

Oct 31st is what I just said a second ago. No seriously. Google it up. If you think you have psychic ability, you know I'm not bluffing. And if you insist you have psychic power, today is especially created for you.

How to increase it? Try this little exercise: Read my mind. If you can. Go ahead. Predict my next adventure. Need a little clue? 

I feel a hearty localized big-bang breakfast coming next Saturday. Read my lips. And today's short note is brought to you by a dash of coffee imagination and lots of caffeinated visualization.

Coffee and 'kuih cakoi' with coconut-custard filling

p/s: Fare thee well October! And may the odds ever be in my favor. Amen.

The right, the wrong, the nitty-gritty ...

Hot coffee on the table, eyes on the screen, hands on the keyboard, emotion in check, heart intact right here but the mind is all over the place. Like trying to kill a mosquito in the forest with an insect repellent without hurting the butterflies after your guide told you beforehand not to put on any perfume before the walk.

Cloaking it. I'm going to rant. Start dozing off.

A few words of warning: Be careful with the reading and I'll be careful with my rant. If I tend to be a little tipped on one side on this scale of tolerance whatsoever, keep calm and read on. My written opinions may never be viral, may never even make it to Cabinet meetings, may never even be read by people who actually comprehend, but I stand here not quite corrected, because some stuffs have got to be put into words. In my words anyway, because I've read theirs and I've read yours. I don't always get it either, but collectively, I hope we make a point or two because there is no knowing how anybody will take our opinions, or if they'll even bother to digest them for what they are.

Borrowing from Dave Berry Coffee Quote

Have you read the headlines these past few days, or for the past few weeks? The part about the religious tolerance (or intolerance, if you will) in our country? Yes, the one talking about sensitivity (or insensitivity, if you will) and What-not-to-do-when-it-comes-to-other-people's-religion. Somehow it feels like there's more to it than meets the eye. If I don't know any better, it's as if somehow we're literally trying to put ourselves in the international spotlight, grabbing whatever issue when it comes to religion and making it so huge even a murder story pales in comparison.

A pretext somewhat.

You cannot state your opinion freely these days without fear of it haunting you in the coming future -- Some very recent as a day ago, some a week ago, and some goes as far away back as three years ago. The minute you open your mouth, or type your opening line, you're immediately bound by the unwritten rule of Be Careful Where You Tread.

You know exactly what I am talking about, so let's both stop being coy. It is undeniably disrespectful and totally uncivilized to insult or making fun of other people's religions. It is morally wrong to offend other people's feelings when it comes to their beliefs and faith. So when you step over the boundaries of what is morally right and what is not, logically the offended parties will use whatever applicable law there is on you.

So, while you think that being an exhibitionist or a porn connoisseur in your own website and in your own world is not wrong -- and perhaps there isn't anything so horrible or perverted about it -- other people may not perceive it that way. Then again, the question of 'What do I care about what people think? This is my life'. Hear ye hear ye! This is Malaysia, or haven't you heard?

I am not agreeing nor am I disagreeing that the Alvivi couple should be put to jail or slapped with such a hefty fine, I am merely saying that their crime is say, something akin to a couple of kids offending a group of big guys by calling their parents all sorts of nasty names, and yet the authority treats their crime like a first degree murder ... complete with handcuffs scene and all. What they did is insensitive, but I can name a few other of my acquaintances doing the same thing on Facebook and the rest just shrugged it off. There's the difference between those already in the spotlight and those who are just faces in the crowd.

Yes it's insensitive, yes I'm hurt by it if I'm at the receiving end, but no I won't create a group to put them down real bad, nor would I want to see them rot in jail, neither do I want to shoot or kill or maim them in any way. What for? If we do that to everyone for committing a crime of acting offensively towards others, hey, there would be no politicians left in this country, there would be no one left to even live to tell stories about it! You, me, them, we will all go down eventually.

Google pic 

First rule of all religion anyone: God does not condone violence. And God teaches His congregation to forgive. Maybe 'to forget' is a little bit too much for some, but how about Do Unto Others What You Want Them To Do Unto You?

A little stringent, that. But that's when you offend other people's religion. Now, how about when you offend your own religion? I supposed in some ways, that is uncalled for. I would rather this group of religious officers, take the errant people aside and chastise them privately, so as not to humiliate anyone, least of all to make themselves look bad. Not make it into headlines!

I mean, come on ... handcuffing beauty pageants in front of everyone? Is that really necessary, and to what end? What do you hope to achieve? To teach them and everyone else a lesson should they attempt the same? But hey, I'm sorry, but I feel like God is looking down and frowning. If this is a lesson on decency, how about you start a decency law on women in national TV, in local movies, in the drama series? I can name a few. In fact, the late Tan Sri P. Ramlee might have committed more than one offense, if you can count those years back. Or say, women in sports. Swimming, to be exact. What is the difference between 15 years ago than now? What is the difference between our country and other similar countries? Shouldn't we be evolving and advancing, instead of going backward? Wait... don't tell me, have religions evolved too? Hmm.

Oh sigh. Poor trainer girl with the dogs in the video. A video that was dug up from a 3 year old archive. My, we are a truly tech-crazed nation. Dig up some more, I'm sure there are a lot more in that YouTube archive. But do me a favor, be fair. I know someone threaten to burn the Bible in there somewhere. By the time you're done, the National Day celebration will come and go, and we're still not even near the finish line or whatever humanly code of conduct there is possible.

Gawd, I hate to write mad craps like this. It annoys me.

Coffee break!

Let's be honest. We all like the idea that our country is rich with diverse cultures, that we're living in racial harmony, that we have skyscrapers, and modern technology. Hey genius, the former two are not in the same category as the later two. Take away moral civilization and social maturity from modern physical establishment and infrastructure advancement, what do you get? An overbalanced colony teetering on the brink of slow destruction.

There's a code of conduct in there somewhere that points out the fact that while Christians, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus, Atheists, Pagans etc CAN co-exist in peace and harmony, it really doesn't take a genius to also point out that if we really look deeper AND at the rate we're going here in this country, we're better off living in seclusion of each other. Why? Because it's like constantly tiptoeing on eggshells. Like a time bomb waiting to explode. Merely waiting for something to trigger it, to push it off its perching balance.

Hey, waiting doesn't take too long, does it? It takes two... three... four instances of religious insensitivity, of hard pokings, to start a war. You poke a small hole, eventually you can break out of prison (not counting the other security breaches, ie). And we're not even touching on the conflicts and of divided opinions in the internal zones caused by the outside factors.

Are we building that civic rehab center, Sir? Or are we just planning it for certain people with certain crimes offending certain people only?

Sometimes I wonder if we're all better off alone, each of us, all by ourselves, equipped with fast Internet connection, and a huge bank account, in a cave, alone, to each his own district. Self running, self sufficient, self lived. No law, no crime, nobody to judge and be judged, nobody to ram anything down our throats. Just peace and quiet. And a strong faith in our religion and in our God. Waiting to die and go to Heaven. Assuming we all die as a good person in this ideal land.

Hard shell. That's not happening ever, even if Bruce Willis is the director of the movie.

Pic borrowed from SomeEeCards 

With all due respect, we tend to react more when we're offended than when we're grieving over a loss. Unfathomable. People watch CSI for the science of solving a mystery, all things precise and sometimes circumstantial, but that's as far as it goes. LEVERAGE, on the other hand, is a play of mind strategy on how to exact a confession so as to avenge a certain issue. Two different drama series, two kinds of audience. Which are you?

I am more of a Hart Of Dixie kind of person, and a CSI for the wrong reason, so I'm not going to judge you and does not expect the same from you. Move on and grit it.

Right now, I don't have an exit statement to end this, except a by-note that this is my story and I'm sticking to it. No offense to anybody, just stating the obvious by what I observe from where I stand. Hey look! I've written a whole book! Haha. Just don't ban my coffee. That's just asking for it.

P/s: Oh and don't make me leave my country, Sir, I have every right to be here, same as you.

Stalking July ...

You have a nice name, July. Here's a tiny admission.

I get a kick out of reading a blog entry with lots of personal information. Don't you? The strange predatory feeling it invokes, and that sense of headiness knowing you're on the outside getting an inside first-hand report of perhaps something exclusive, confidential, intimate. You didn't have to ask or look for it, it was handed to you on a silver platter.

Nice homebody accounts just don't cut it anymore. Sweet stuff gives you toothache, and a cringing sensation at the back of your neck. Whereas agonizing stuffs, awful experiences, throbbing awareness ... those are award winning materials.

The deeper the pain, they say, the better the kill. The more morose the conviction, the more profound the incitement. The more intimate the story, the more poignant the feeling. How else do you think break-up songs keep winning top charts and heart-wrenching movies keep getting high ratings in the box offices? Taylor Swift to the legendary Titanic.

In each of us underlies a seeker ... a shadow of a hawk. Always skulking about, repressed and smart. Knowing when to surface, and knowing when to withdraw. Knowing when to defend, or when to offend. And knowing most of all, when to lend a supportive shoulder, open arms, an assuring pat on the back, or a nod of acknowledgement... without giving away too much of oneself or without getting too involved. Or in other words... without sounding like a stalker.

 Pic courtesy of Internet Bird Collection

Sometimes I wonder what drive people to expose so much of themselves to a world they're barely familiar with, what more to say trust in? I can only speak for myself. Because the one time I let myself loose and hang with the rest of the heartsick and miserable lot was when I was truly lost and looking for an avenue to channel all emotions. I found then that the virtual world could be a sympathetic listener as well as a convenient support, always accommodating, always glad to assist. Little did I know when I put myself out there for the whole world to read, I also opened a wealth of potential harms to myself.

A short moment of reprieve. Like Eve, deceived. 

We all like sheep, they say. Going where one leads. Not necessarily a bad thing that. But to let yourself out without much thought to the consequences, that is where our downfall begins. I know, I have been there, for years. Do I learn? Sometimes not as quickly as I meant to. Do I still do it? Less and less now. I find that giving my stalkers something to laugh about behind my back is distasteful, so I'd rather give them something else to wonder about. They do like a bit of mystery, a vague clue, something not quite there. Ah. Familiar territory. Don't we all go through that, one or the other?

What is there sacred anymore?

Because, why should we give anybody the satisfaction of telling them about everything that goes on in our lives, at the risk of being endlessly scorned, mocked, and made parody of? We're not celebrities, whose lives are not our own anymore. Nor are we heroes, or martyrs.

Live, love, write, document them ... whatever you do... refrain from telling the whole world everything. Everything. A vulture would feast on you in  minutes. But a hawk will bide his time.

In short... Don't give me the time of the day. 

P/s: There is not much point to this post other than to merely address the inner hunter in each of us. Stay in the shadow. And to us the writers, tread with care.
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Coffee... How do you take yours?

As she brews, so shall she drink ...

To the devotee, it's the solution to a problem. 

To the detractor, it's the problem to a solution.

To the addict, it's imperative. 

To the sober, it's inessential.

To the needy, it's a shot that changes the landscape in a second. 

To the non-indulgent, it's a concoction to be avoided at all cost.

To the lover, it's a source of joy. 

To the hater, it's a constant disease.

To me, it's inescapable. 

To you, it's a choice.

How does one brew the perfect cup? One cannot because one's own taste is the boss. But the one rule to the exception applies: You can brew the perfect coffee, simply by loving it unconditionally.

Welcome to my world.

P/s: When I'm good and caffeinated, everything else is irrelevant. That being said, I'm not sure I'm being coherent right now. But you go ahead, have a cup on me!

Politically correct ...

Note: This is a rare post on politics ... well not entirely.

Back from the brink and not getting any wiser.

I have been sitting on the fence too long watching the world go by. It gets bored sometimes perched up there with nothing to do but observe, learn a little, cheering, jeering, being judgmental, having plenty of ideas, all talks, but not really getting involved. It feels like going to a battle that I wasn't a part of and just stand on the side while other people kill or be killed.

Ok, maybe not that dramatic. Life doesn't revolve around me and my coffee induced rants, right?

But let's face it. When it comes to politics -- my least favorite topic these days -- everyone has an opinion. Everyone. Top to bottom. The politicians most of all. The voters. Even those who don't vote. Even those not of voting age. Even those far away overseas who can't or won't come home to vote. Even those who aren't even from this country. I'm not blaming you, I belong to one of the category above. Nothing wrong with giving an opinion, I'm about to hand one (or two) myself today. However, an opinion remains as what it is -- An Opinion. Subject to neither right nor wrong.

The still-warm General Election 2013 (yes the very same, so go ahead stop reading whenever you feel like it because here comes another opinion from the sidelines you probably have heard before...) left a lot to be desired. You know the results yourself, look it up. The dominant political party Barisan Nasional (BN) won the majority seats, almost by a close call, although personally I won't call it a good victory considering the People's Alliance rose up in great force this season and almost managed to tip the scale of time to create history. Almost, but not quite there. A small victory for them.

On the other hand, let me deliver this while I'm still precariously roosting up here. I support no party but my own. Election is finally over. But didn't somebody say it was only the beginning?

I love my country, but the people in it are getting more and more advanced with their words and attitude and those do not necessarily bring about a good thing. Thanks to social media, you can say just about anything you want and damn the consequences. All the good values and proper upbringing at risk of going down the drain in all those status updates, comments, replies, shared links, supportive or non-supportive mentions, derogatory remarks, big pompous words, seemingly intelligent outbursts, drama. The Internet brings about a lot of good, but it's also a harmful tool. Weapon, if you may.

Start them young ...

With all the political drama going on in our country these past few weeks -- one that saw the supporters instead of the candidates, going to war against each other -- it's any wonder that we're even standing straight and taking it all in stride. I believe this season we're a step ahead (or backward depending on how you read it) what's with all the ruckus some people created to draw attention to  themselves. Using abusive words to hurt and slur your very neighbor, sowing seeds of hatred, teaching kids to discriminate and choose for themselves a vicious path ... Nasty. And then you blame the younger generations for inciting rage and wrath, but you forgot maybe you started it and didn't remember it.

Mouths faster than the brains. Quick to anger, slow to listen. When provoked, influenced by peers, thinking you're somehow following the flow, going where people go... You crack. No, WE crack. Fumbling. Flustered. We responded. Reacting without taking enough time to catch our breath. We stop thinking about all manners of things good and kind. We forget our values, our faith, our upbringing, our friends, most of all, our God who sees all things.

All in the name of defending ourselves, our beliefs, our rights. We're not even going to war and yet here we are shooting virtual venomous ammos at each other. It must be a sign of the end time.

Truly One Malaysia ... and more

Somewhere in the world's most published book I read, "...he who sheds blood in peacetime, will never go to his grave in peace...". A troubling thought, isn't it. Whose God in this world, do you think, teaches His congregations to stir hate and causes strife? None. Or is there? Perhaps you can show me so I would shut it now and stop typing.

*Paused for breath*

So somebody won. Somebody almost won. Not a landslide win, but a win nonetheless. So give it a chance and embrace it. All sides have been given ample (if not too much) time to pitch their sales. All those 5 previous years in the record to show their mettle, make improvements, do stuffs for the good of the people... However you treat those years behind you will determine the votes against or for you.

Winning a seat isn't your personal and individual victory, Sir. Losing a seat doesn't mean you're a horrible leader either, Sir. Remember this isn't about YOU or the POLITICAL PARTY that backed you up. This is about WE THE PEOPLE. WE THE COUNTRY. WE THE NATION.

The die is cast. Be a sport and accept the general r.e.s.u.l.t no matter how hard it is to swallow for some or how unexplainably allegedly unfair it seems. But you wasting your breath isn't going to change the results. Or make the 5 years term run faster.

I love my country. No matter which way the votes swing, I will still be grateful for all the good stuffs I have gained, friends I make who hail from various culture background, abundant of great unique food, the facilities, job opportunities, and the lists is pretty long. See... when you stop to smell the roses, you will probably be able to appreciate a lot more than those.

Development ...

Why would you pit one religion against another? It's just not done. Besides, if God had wanted it any other way (here I go again dragging the Deity into this, but you asked for it, o ye of little faith) He would've tipped the scale to the other side, no assistance from mere mortal like us needed. If this is how we react in the face of internal political strife, God help us when we actually face real bloody war.

Stop being such a sour puss. Don't you have a job to do?

P/s: If you're offended, no apology is going to be issued, not for stating opinions anyway. If you're hilarious, go ahead laugh. If you're thinking I'm pro-something, get it off your head. I'm not. Just a concerned citizen.

That stuff about blogging ...

So there I was half-way to the buffet table holding my huge empty heavy dinner plate, and got waylaid by a familiar face who's more interested in what I was doing there than who I was with. Sometimes familiarity and history tend to make people think that they have every right to shoot all kinds of questions at you and you're obligated to answer. And sometimes you answer anyway because you tend to think that you owe them some sort of explanations and all that we-go-way-back crap.

Actually, I was a little irked and annoyed that someone with that level of work experience, field expertise, education, and so-called openmindedness could be both sarcastic and cynical when it comes to technology and social media. I mean, the world is revolving, and if we don't catch up, or at least follow the progress from a safe distance, we'll forever be backward and stuck in the dark ages of our own mind.

Oh I was talking about blogging actually. Getting there now. Everytime I think about that few minutes of bothering to explain myself to the man, I just get riled up all over again. He knew I had been blogging for a few years already, and admittedly when I first started, the content were a little immature, personal, sometimes too dark and depressing, and without any focus. But now the content is more guided and focused and has grown up with me.

Still... I think that's the beauty of a blog. You can be random, you can be focused, and you can be you the best (or the worst) that you can be, or even grow up with it, like I did.

So, his questions? Bits and pieces of them sounded like this...

"I remember some of you were in the group with the media when we were doing this development coverage. I mean, bloggers? Come on. Have you seen any of the stuffs they write?"

To myself: Oh yes I have, they're good stuffs too. Good job. Nice. Knowing you even read them makes me proud of them bloggers yo...

"Why are you  telling the world what your room looks like, what toothpaste you use, what you eat, how you hold your chopstick, bla bla bla ... as if anyone would be interested? And then mixing with the press as if you're a reporter, I'm sorry to say, but your reports are not even newspaper stuff. Some of them are not even qualified to be called a writer... If you can call yourself that. A blogger.. come on. I don't  know why you guys even get invited. Free stuff?"

Ok I have to stop myself right here before I make myself upset again. Oh yeah, it was that hostile, stemming from, I suspected, the threat of a mere blogger standing right in front of him who gets invited to the same event as he was, treated with the same respect, and probably gets more hits and readership than he does. But then again, he wasn't talking about me, he was merely generally expressing his opinions (although I don't remember asking for them) about blogging and those closely or directly associated with it.

I let him finish before I politely answered. Was even getting a little defensive already because oh that did touch a nerve. At best, blogging is something I do in my free time, I write about stuffs that caught my fancy, I defended issues that are close to my heart, I expressed myself freely but always within the bounds of proprietary and the law, I tried not to offend any parties or groups or race or culture, I vent about life in general, and I read all other blogs that are worth reading. But then, anything worth writing is always worth reading.

That's the best part about blogging. It's not the same as writing for the press, sir, as if you don't already know. It's not even pure journalism stuff. In fact we didn't learn this in MassComm classes in my days. True, we're reporting on something sometimes, but you can't compare lil known us with you reporters from the press. We never even claim to be one. Those that do, they probably earned it. I'm humbled that I could even be invited to the same events as you are, to do a little coverage on the same stuff we attended, to write my piece in my own words, and to construct a complete entry that will never get through the editor's desk before I hit the 'post' button.

So what if we write day to day accounts of our journeys? So what if we take pictures and share them? So what if we have grammar mistakes sometimes, or that we repeat ourselves, or that we write not according to your set of rules? So what if we state our views and even be vain sometimes? We don't have an editor that checks our drafts nor do we need one, because we are each responsible for whatever we put up in the Internet. Don't you think we know that? Those who don't or ignore that bit, well, that's up to them.

You see, when writers are not being edited or corrected or rewritten, that's when the real opinion comes out, as honest as it gets. You don't have to like it all the time, you only need to evaluate it and decide whether to believe it, accept it, challenge it, or push it aside and discard it. Or if you want to drag some of them to jail, that's up to you too, since we have all been warned and so do you.

If you worry about why I'm here, ask the organisers, they're the ones doing the invitations. Don't be threaten by me or my peers, Sir, we're merely journal writers. Half of what we write will never even make it to the press. We are all aware that the medium is evolving very fast ... But that's another enty.

What I don't get is he is being paid for his job. I'm doing it for free. So, what is the problem again? I won't stop blogging just because you call my writing worthless. You should try it sometimes too, it's really therapeutic.

P/s: If any of my reporter/journalist friends is reading this, please don't be offended. Merely having a moment. And I claim the above as my own sole opinion on blogging/bloggers and not influenced or have anything to do with anyone/anything. And yes despite this difference in opinions, I am still friends with the man.

I'm not afraid to love...

Oh hello. Crashed and burned over the weekend? Come come.. do you really want to make me start on this again?

Oh ye fools. Doubt thou the stars are fire, doubt that the sun doth move, doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt I love.

I'm not standing at a crossroad. Not this time. In fact, I've moved one foot off the grave, and another foot away from the door. Have I ever given up on love? No, never, unbelievably so. But for the past many years of my life, I had been roaming aimlessly like a lost soul in search of another heart who can halt all this subdued wanderlust feeling. Oh yes, the makings of a good storyline.

There were times I stood tongue-tied and stared blankly at people who asked questions I didn't have ready answers for. Blabbering like a fool in front of the horde will only open doors for more questioning and possible assault. The throng loves a field day, and it's always at the victim's expenses.

And there were also times I was too quick with my tongue that I ended up regretting my answers later, which was borne out of spite and annoyance. My mother always advised to quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. But then my mother forgot to warn me about the wolves who love to feast on little girls. There were numerous time I just up and leave, sometimes quietly, sometimes in a great commotion, depending on who's doing the asking and who's doing the running. I'm requoting Bible verses.

It wasn't always difficult to maneuver. But in the course of times, it just gets exhausting. I don't answer to anyone but sometimes some stuff needs to be reckoned with. Who doesn't want to sleep peacefully at night?

There wasn't a day in my life that I wished I could be like a normal girl who follows society rules and demands. Some girls prefer to just settle. Accept whatever life hands her, live with it and learn to be content. Take the next available guy and stop looking. Isn't that what most of the normal girls do? And then some ended up reciting the confessions of the "If only ..."

Would you want me to end up like that? Thick. I'm the only one who answers to me. I don't just settle, per se.

One unsuspecting soul even quoted that time and tide wait for no man... True. But that's the beauty of nature, they just go on doing what they do best without much influence from anyone. Man on the other hand, can be likened to a stalk of reed, easily swayed to go the way of the strongest element. If not a reed, then something else more solid like an oak tree. And now I'm requoting Bible verses again.

But then I believe that even the lost and forsaken can be found and forgiven, and the lonely and sad can be redeemed and made happy. Why not me? If I were meant to wait it out, for my redeemer to come and sweep me off my feet, who's to say that it could take forever, or maybe the next few years, or the next few days, or the next few hours? While I have every right to choose and be picky with my choice, I have not so far, regretted the few choices that I had or ever had the opportunity to try and work them out, and failed... Those were like balms, a secret stepping stone to always improve my game, or an indication to move away and reroute. Whoever gets hurt in the process have no idea that I hurt more, if that is even possible.

Strong willed and always a hopeless romantic at heart. This faith that I have in the God who sees all things and have prepared someone for everyone, will prevail. Faith always win, somehow, right? Faith in that one magical thing that none has ever succeeded in explaining thus far.

Oh ye woman of faith, worry not for the man who will steal thy heart, for I will bring him to thee when thou least expected it. And I will face it like a true martyr. Any day now. Shall we move the pressure point to the next level now? This love subject is a risky business, isn't it.

Here's a little confession, ye wolves of the highest order: I'm not afraid to love... I'm just afraid I won't be loved back. Equally or more.

Wordless Wednesday...

Not really into this stuff, but ... today's Fortune Cookie reads ...

You forgot "very optimistic" ... But that could do too, for now.
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Happy Wednesday!

And if the music is good...

... You dance.

If you can both sway to the same rhythm, and move to the same tune, and mouth the same words, and even get wacky to the same crazy beat together, then baby, that's it, you've found your match.

It's the little things that count.

Keep them. 

Happy in-love weekend my friends!

Dear beloved readers ...

Hey, how are you today?

Did I tell you how lovely the day is, despite the weather being hot and humid? Right now it's storming outside, that could be ugly on the road, causing traffic jams right when people are rushing to go home to their loved ones, or to their lonely lives, whichever suits you best. At least I have a place I called my home. My financial is a little bit rocky, but I get by on whatever investment I've put my money in the past few months. My social life is on a decline, mostly because I don't have one to begin with. My parents are hounding me to come home every weekend, and each time I don't, they'll be wondering where their little girl spends her time and with what company or with whom. The works I have lined up on my in-tray are piling up, and each time I start on one, one other comes up out of nowhere that it's nearly uninspiring to see through till finish. My emotional life is like a plate of mixed grill, I eat whatever I can and deal with it later.

Yes, life on the outside if you're looking at me, looks good and steady. I don't whine much, I don't bitch much, I don't complain much, and I don't cry much, which practically makes me sounding weird and almost unfeeling. That's all what you see on the outside. And I cannot argue much on that point either because I tend to agree with you. There's so much that goes on behind closed doors with me that to open the can of worms now is like embarking on a suicidal mission. Better you stay in the dark.

But you know what? I have stopped walking on the wide path to destruction and ceased doubting myself. I have stopped disliking myself for the person I had become. I stopped crying, that's right, I'm human after all. Those were real tears, I should be in movies. That was a pathetic life I led, going from one day after another begging for a rerun and a chance to do better. The only person that was stopping me from going overboard was me. I stayed sane because I kept looking over my shoulder looking for a chance to redeem myself.

And finally, dear God, finally, I got it.

Sometimes the only way to go about life is to take all risks, cut your losses, and let the hot air balloon go to wherever the wind takes it. Quite a risk, but if you don't do it, you might lose that chance forever and you will forever be left wondering.

There are many other things I would like to tell you about, but at the risk of sounding sad and probably misunderstood, I shall have to keep a lot of things to myself. My mother always said that you can love other people all you want, but the real thing that matters the most is that you love yourself more.

And so here I go, loving myself more.

Till then, don't worry if you get nothing from what I'm writing here, I just want you to know that I am alright, I am alive and well, and I hope YOU have a nice weekend ahead.

Signing off,

Coffee Girl

Wordless Wednesday ...

Break away... come what May.

I have so much to blog about, but I guess it will have to wait for now. But... on a positive note, looks like the year is going to be good after all. Please Lord, let me have this fairy tale ending.

I promise I'll be good. Amen.

No desperado here baby ...

Hey what do you know? It's Monday! I've been having a really good time staying awake these past few days contemplating my future and keeping busy doing random mental checklists. Nope, not even cranky.

Anyway, wanna hear something ridiculous, totally unnecessary, and ones that only managed to make the ones who utter them look S.T.U.P.I.D many times over?

"If only you had said yes before, you won't be in this situation today."

"If only you had accepted me before, we would have plenty of kids today."

"Last time I wanted you, you rejected me. Now look at you."

"You could've had me before. But no... you prefer someone else."

"You lost your chances, I could've been yours."

"This property and all this stuff could've been yours now if only you had responded to me back then."

"You wanted a different future more than you wanted me. Now look where it's gotten you."

And another epic from an ex-future-mother-in-law of 20 years past, totally random, unrelated, and out of the blue at a friend's funeral last week. She pulled me aside just to say: "You could've been my daughter-in-law today you know, but you didn't want. Now my son's got 4 kids and you're still chasing after your dreams and some elusive guy."

Are you like, serious?

If I counted how many times I have received these statements over and over again for the past years or so, my log book on the exes and possible exes would've overflowed by now. That is, if I keep a tab. That is, if I had that many. And that is, assuming there were a few I didn't know about until few years down the road (the past does have a way of catching up with you). Considering in the past i may have blown off quite a few people who have tried to get me to raise the white flag ... this is pretty amazing. I can be quite oblivious sometimes especially since I am not your regular girl who wants regular stuffs or who just settles for regular future. No challenge, no vision, not even a life of their own!

Can you imagine being the recipient of one or a combination of these statements at other people's wedding receptions, social festivities, kids' birthday parties, random house calls, church gatherings, work appointments, bump-ins at official events, or out-of-the-blue text messages?

You know, almost always, I detect that hint of regrets in their voices, and some other emotions I'm not quite familiar with. I mean, why do you have to say such things? They're completely unnecessary and out of boundaries. Do you realize how it must've looked on your part, already being with someone else and wishing you were with another person, in this case, me? Do you realise the hurt it could cause your respective partners if they hear that? If I had wanted to feature in it in the first place, I would already have been. Except I didn't. And why is that, do you wonder? I have no regrets, why should you?

If it were meant to be, it will be. I made my bed, I'll lie in it. You made yours, so go sleep in it. On your own!

Moving on...

P/s: Just when I thought I succeeded in pulling off my poker face ...

That little sign ...

When it shows Yellow ... you brace.

When it becomes Red... you stop.

When it turns Green... you hit the accelerator.

Imagine one day the system goes down and all the traffic lights turn Green at the same time, what would happen when everyone hit the gas pedal at the same exact moment?

So yeah, picture that and tell me if you got your info correct.

Don't worry when your life is put on hold, or you halt for a breather. You're safe. But the minute you move on along, you're putting yourself at risk.

Ironically, if you don't move on, you'll never reach anywhere. God man, who wants to be safe anyway? Safe is boring. Danger is sane. What doesn't kill you will only make you move on a little further and tougher.

They got it all wrong, didn't they? If we live by the universal colour codes, Red does not mean Danger. Green does.

This isn't a rhetorical question ... but what would you rather be doing, stay put and be safe or get going and live?

Watch the road kid...
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