I have a daughter. She doesn't understand yet that she's a tiny little thing and that's why everything and everyone around her is either big, tall or wide. She doesn't understand anything much at all, let alone know that she is a Bidayuh, a Sarawakian, and a Malaysian, living in Kuching.
What she understands so far is that by crying, she'll let out the information that she's either hungry, sleepy, wet and need to be changed, or just doesn't want to be left alone.
She doesn't understand yet that there's a bigger world out there that might discriminates against everything she stands for. Or that somewhere in another part of this universe, a child her own age might not even have the privilege of having a peaceful surrounding to live in, let alone a happy one.
She's like a white canvas ... an empty starting point for someone so small, so innocent and so pure. While I am as excited as her to begin this little life shaping project, I am also every bit as anxious. You see, I have my painting tools ready in my hand but what I'm scared the most of is making a mess out of it or not producing a masterpiece in the end.
My little blank canvas...
But that's okay I supposed... we all have to make do with what we have to bring up a child in this world. I wish I could shield her forever, but that's no way to live a life. I made so many mistakes in my own life growing up, and sometimes I didn't want to heed anyone's advice because I thought I knew better. Sometimes I wish I had listened. But then where would I be today without learning from anything I've done wrong once to not repeat them?
Our children is what we teach them to be, not just by words but by our every action. They watch and they copy. If you say one thing or do another, guess which one she will follow? And that's why I am a little scared whenever she stares at me because I can't tell which one of my expressions or actions or words she's going to memorize and mimic next.
Poor parents, the endless pressure to ensure a kid grows up right in this world today. Poor baby, there's so much more for her to handle!
The colours of life...
Anyway, the father and I are just taking it one day at a time at winging it because we know our parents brought us up right. Even if I may have strayed a little from their teachings, it's mostly me, nothing on them. So if they can do it, so can we. In God Himself in whom we trust, who gave her to us, this painting is going to be one colorful and beautiful masterpiece yet!
Here's quoting Dennis Leary the actor: "Racism isn't born, folks, it's taught. I have a two-year-old son. You know what he hates? Naps! End of list."
