Back to talk about my current favorite topic.
Motherhood changes a woman's body forever. I'm not going to sugarcoat it because being blunt about it is easier than looking for diplomatic words. But before I go any further on this post, please know and remember that I am not complaining whatsoever and not even regretting anything. This is purely a first-hand observation and experience-sharing.
It has already been 1 year and a half since the birth of my baby and the day I turned into a mommy. What sparks today's entry? 1. My baby is not going to be an infant any longer boohoo.. but she is now running so all the more reason for me to run after her; 2. I am getting close to regaining my pre-pregnancy body in a verrrrryyyyy slow or delayed sort of pace; 3. I have not been updating as regularly as I initially thought I should and I want to make a good comeback (so y'all don't up and leave yet okay).
Why is losing my post-baby weight so difficult?
I could've just ventured on a strict Beyonce cleansing diet right after the confinement period, but I didn't. Besides, diet and me, we have some sort of a love hate relationship. Although plus points for lemons, the star!
Or I could've restarted my jogging routine -- and I did and even acquired a pair of sparky new sneakers for motivational purposes -- but it stopped midway. That was last year.
OR I could've just signed up with any of the weight management packages available around town, but I didn't either because the last package I signed up pre-baby days were still underutilized and I figured I need to get my money's worth back before I take up another one.
I never thought much about signing up for a gym membership because the last time I did that in the spur of the moment, I ended up going 4 out of 10 times which is equal to utilizing 1 out of 3 months which is also equal to wasting money. I traveled a lot in those days, so yes, bad idea to commit to anything more than 1 month.
To sum that up, up until my little girl turned 18 months last week, I have only lost about 5kg since then (not including the 7kg from the immediate birth and during confinement phase). Frustrating? Of course, every time I look at my unused dresses. And the pants that I can't zip or button anymore or the baby-tees that now looks like it's gonna burst every time I put on one. That, plus the fact that my wardrobe expanded to include maternity cloths + post baby clothes + other new clothes. I either need to buy a new closet OR lose these kilos. Take your pick.
Sometimes a decision to be assertive with oneself appears out of nowhere. Perhaps it was some friend's offhanded comment on the fat ass fat thighs fat arms everything fat which wasn't that fat before. Or the unfiltered question 'are you pregnant again?' upon looking at my visible baby bump. Well, something must've triggered it, but let's not over-analyze it. =) It makes me upset a bit.
Women like me, who gains faster than they lose, are abundant the whole world over. I have friends whom I envied who can drop kilos just like that after giving birth. Their secret to weight loss they said? Breastfeeding. But I didn't so I can't and will not comment on that. Plus, I secretly think they must be starving themselves (but that's just me making myself feel better) at meal times.
Motherhood is rewarding in itself that every time I look at my little girl, I go through a time-travel phase when all that existed was me, my huge belly, and the constant movement that reminded me of a life depending on me and my every decision. So every time that happens, I tell myself that having all these extra weight that just refuses to fall off, is worth it and I am blessed because I know many girlfriends out there yearn for the experience. There is totally nothing for me to complain about but so much more for me to be thankful for.
But of course I do want to regain my shape back, if that's what you're asking. Of course I don't want to stay fat forever, are you kidding? Haha.
Either way, between becoming a wife, a mother and a working mom, I have only about 1 to 2 hours to spare each day for a quick workout. Oh by the way, don't be fooled into thinking I have completely abandon all workout efforts, but sure, if you want to feel good about yourself. No don't. We ladies are supposed to support and build each other up, not tear one another down. Remember that every time you look at a new mother and the thought that enters your head is 'Wow you look big!'. At least she has a good reason. As a general rule, mentioning a girl's weight-gain to her face is a no-no, even more so when she's single. When I was single, I used to cross out all potential male-companion who ever commented on my weight or physical appearance, it has always been a sensitive subject for me back then that I put that on top of my mental checklist. Who cares about your looks when you can't even act as a gentleman at least for a few hours?
Anyway.... I digress.
So yes. In case you're wondering, I went into the operation room at 78kg. Went out 73kg as a new mom and 70kg went I went home with the baby. Up until this day, it has been a yo-yo ride. You do the quick math/guess, or don't.
Here is where I tell you that I am a work in progress, and although it has taken me almost 2 years to get back on track, I am back on my feet alright. I have set a mark and a whole wardrobe as my goal. Not going to be easy, I perceive, but it's a journey. You don't get there overnight. Perhaps when I finally get there, I'll let you in on how. =)
The only thing that can stop me right now is when baby no. 2 is on the way. *sly smile* Meanwhile, let's do this!
Here's Carissa saying Hi from Bali!
Pic taken on 3/6/2016 in Seminyak, Bali