No desperado here baby ...

Hey what do you know? It's Monday! I've been having a really good time staying awake these past few days contemplating my future and keeping busy doing random mental checklists. Nope, not even cranky.

Anyway, wanna hear something ridiculous, totally unnecessary, and ones that only managed to make the ones who utter them look S.T.U.P.I.D many times over?

"If only you had said yes before, you won't be in this situation today."

"If only you had accepted me before, we would have plenty of kids today."

"Last time I wanted you, you rejected me. Now look at you."

"You could've had me before. But no... you prefer someone else."

"You lost your chances, I could've been yours."

"This property and all this stuff could've been yours now if only you had responded to me back then."

"You wanted a different future more than you wanted me. Now look where it's gotten you."

And another epic from an ex-future-mother-in-law of 20 years past, totally random, unrelated, and out of the blue at a friend's funeral last week. She pulled me aside just to say: "You could've been my daughter-in-law today you know, but you didn't want. Now my son's got 4 kids and you're still chasing after your dreams and some elusive guy."

Are you like, serious?

If I counted how many times I have received these statements over and over again for the past years or so, my log book on the exes and possible exes would've overflowed by now. That is, if I keep a tab. That is, if I had that many. And that is, assuming there were a few I didn't know about until few years down the road (the past does have a way of catching up with you). Considering in the past i may have blown off quite a few people who have tried to get me to raise the white flag ... this is pretty amazing. I can be quite oblivious sometimes especially since I am not your regular girl who wants regular stuffs or who just settles for regular future. No challenge, no vision, not even a life of their own!

Can you imagine being the recipient of one or a combination of these statements at other people's wedding receptions, social festivities, kids' birthday parties, random house calls, church gatherings, work appointments, bump-ins at official events, or out-of-the-blue text messages?

You know, almost always, I detect that hint of regrets in their voices, and some other emotions I'm not quite familiar with. I mean, why do you have to say such things? They're completely unnecessary and out of boundaries. Do you realize how it must've looked on your part, already being with someone else and wishing you were with another person, in this case, me? Do you realise the hurt it could cause your respective partners if they hear that? If I had wanted to feature in it in the first place, I would already have been. Except I didn't. And why is that, do you wonder? I have no regrets, why should you?

If it were meant to be, it will be. I made my bed, I'll lie in it. You made yours, so go sleep in it. On your own!

Moving on...

P/s: Just when I thought I succeeded in pulling off my poker face ...

That little sign ...

When it shows Yellow ... you brace.

When it becomes Red... you stop.

When it turns Green... you hit the accelerator.

Imagine one day the system goes down and all the traffic lights turn Green at the same time, what would happen when everyone hit the gas pedal at the same exact moment?

So yeah, picture that and tell me if you got your info correct.

Don't worry when your life is put on hold, or you halt for a breather. You're safe. But the minute you move on along, you're putting yourself at risk.

Ironically, if you don't move on, you'll never reach anywhere. God man, who wants to be safe anyway? Safe is boring. Danger is sane. What doesn't kill you will only make you move on a little further and tougher.

They got it all wrong, didn't they? If we live by the universal colour codes, Red does not mean Danger. Green does.

This isn't a rhetorical question ... but what would you rather be doing, stay put and be safe or get going and live?

Watch the road kid...
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I hang on because ...

You don't know how much it means to me.

Thank you all.

Sincerely,
Coffee Girl

Out and about ... in Mukah ... Part 2

It's Easter Monday! Most schools in Sarawak are closed today to observe the Easter celebration. No wonder the traffic was slightly smooth today. Anyway, I am back in the office at last, and back to reality.

So...

I had myself a little adventure last 8 days ago to Mukah via Sibu and then stopped over in Sibu for a few days for extended work before flying back home. After been cooped up in the office for a long while, a change of scenery is much much welcomed.

Read the first Mukah adventure? If you have not, just follow the link. Anyway to recap, I was staying at Kingwood Resort Mukah, about 13 minutes from Mukah town itself. The place is barely alive during the weekdays since people prefer to stay in town itself. But the seaside and the sea breeze, wow... is there a better explanation? Although there wasn't any beach to flaunt my round bikini bod, ehem, there were enough waves and salty sea air to bring back fond memories of why I love seaside in the first place.

Oh I was told that the hotel is kind of haunted -- oh well, I have Angels all around me -- and I usually sleep with half the lights on if I travel alone, or total blackout if I'm with company... and so one night I accidentally left the lights on in the balcony. At 1am... I heard someone/something knocked on the glass door leading to the balcony. I woke up with a start. And pretended it was the wind. And then I heard a few more hard knocks, each time louder than the other, like something hitting forcefully against the glass. Dang... I sat in bed and told myself "It's the birds... It's the birds..." Because I heard my boss said keep the door closed at night to avoid birds or bats flying into the room. But the sound kept coming, like tiny little nails knocking playing around. Not scared really, just curious and doing my best not to get up and investigate. After a while it stopped... or maybe I slept with the pillows covering my head and my ears plugged on with loud music till morning....

You know what those creatures were that came visiting me at night begging to be let in? I found their lifeless corpses carcasses by morning on my lit balcony ... like 5 or 6 of them... 2 or 3 flew away barely alive from exhaustion after hitting the glass a few knocks. Sheesh ... I told my boss the next day and he said "Nasib kau sik bukak pintu..." As if I would.

 i dont even know what they're called, but notice the green neckline..

Enough about horror stories. The Dana Scully in me almost manifested last night, but I was too exhausted to give in to her.

The second best part about being outstation is the fooooooooood! Wohoo! Any kinds of food lah, asalkan makan. Mukah is well-known for its umai (like raw and sourish seafood salad) and fat sago worm (deep fried usually), and some other delicacies which I didn't get to try.

There's this little well-known restaurant by the wide riverside called Riverside Restaurant serving all kinds of seafood. So feast your eyes on these!

Tiger prawn in tomato sauce ...

Umai campur (mixed umai) consisted of fish and prawn

steamed red fish thai style ... can la....

Seafood soup in asam pedas (hot and sour?)

And mixed vege Mukah style ... paku midin campur ...

And the pretty looking nasi pataya... what I had for lunch somewhere else...

And for wrapping up ....

But back in Sibu ... Rafie Cafe serves the best ice lemon tea I could find.

and it's even prettily served too... (only one of that is mine)

And that's it! Enjoy the rest of the week people! xoxo!

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Hesitation ...

There are usually two ways of knowing when I am going on the right track ...

1. I feel good about it ...
2. I don't hesitate ...

These are usually the indicators of things good to come, that no matter what I encounter along the way, I could still go on happy and strong.

When I get half - half, that's when I pause, look back, and analyse why I feel that way. The trick is to tread carefully and watch out for tell-tale signs. One barrier after another. Either come out the victor, or fall back and regroup.

However, if I get the opposite feelings for both, and if I insist on going ahead anyway, something not quite right will occur and then on I would have to bear the consequences. This is usually when I would slam on the emergency brake and brace for whatever comes next.

After been ignoring these signs for so long, so so long that like an unlubricated mechanism, I have become rusty and my indicators have gone haywired. I might have mixed up the signals a little and I have been guilty of not taking care of the immediate concerns. They keep reading errors when they should be reading something else.

When the voice of hesitation speaks, listen for it is trying to tell you something. What did your mother teach you about instinct and intuition? Always pay attention to them.

Note: dont ask me what it means. i write, to avoid speaking. just perhaps this -- my anchor, it fell away unnoticed. i am incoherent. i only have prayers. i am probably better off alone. for now.