Oh hello. Crashed and burned over the weekend? Come come.. do you really want to make me start on this again?
Oh ye fools. Doubt thou the stars are fire, doubt that the sun doth move, doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt I love.
I'm not standing at a crossroad. Not this time. In fact, I've moved one foot off the grave, and another foot away from the door. Have I ever given up on love? No, never, unbelievably so. But for the past many years of my life, I had been roaming aimlessly like a lost soul in search of another heart who can halt all this subdued wanderlust feeling. Oh yes, the makings of a good storyline.
There were times I stood tongue-tied and stared blankly at people who asked questions I didn't have ready answers for. Blabbering like a fool in front of the horde will only open doors for more questioning and possible assault. The throng loves a field day, and it's always at the victim's expenses.
And there were also times I was too quick with my tongue that I ended up regretting my answers later, which was borne out of spite and annoyance. My mother always advised to quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. But then my mother forgot to warn me about the wolves who love to feast on little girls. There were numerous time I just up and leave, sometimes quietly, sometimes in a great commotion, depending on who's doing the asking and who's doing the running. I'm requoting Bible verses.
It wasn't always difficult to maneuver. But in the course of times, it just gets exhausting. I don't answer to anyone but sometimes some stuff needs to be reckoned with. Who doesn't want to sleep peacefully at night?
There wasn't a day in my life that I wished I could be like a normal girl who follows society rules and demands. Some girls prefer to just settle. Accept whatever life hands her, live with it and learn to be content. Take the next available guy and stop looking. Isn't that what most of the normal girls do? And then some ended up reciting the confessions of the "If only ..."
Would you want me to end up like that? Thick. I'm the only one who answers to me. I don't just settle, per se.
One unsuspecting soul even quoted that time and tide wait for no man... True. But that's the beauty of nature, they just go on doing what they do best without much influence from anyone. Man on the other hand, can be likened to a stalk of reed, easily swayed to go the way of the strongest element. If not a reed, then something else more solid like an oak tree. And now I'm requoting Bible verses again.
But then I believe that even the lost and forsaken can be found and forgiven, and the lonely and sad can be redeemed and made happy. Why not me? If I were meant to wait it out, for my redeemer to come and sweep me off my feet, who's to say that it could take forever, or maybe the next few years, or the next few days, or the next few hours? While I have every right to choose and be picky with my choice, I have not so far, regretted the few choices that I had or ever had the opportunity to try and work them out, and failed... Those were like balms, a secret stepping stone to always improve my game, or an indication to move away and reroute. Whoever gets hurt in the process have no idea that I hurt more, if that is even possible.
Strong willed and always a hopeless romantic at heart. This faith that I have in the God who sees all things and have prepared someone for everyone, will prevail. Faith always win, somehow, right? Faith in that one magical thing that none has ever succeeded in explaining thus far.
Oh ye woman of faith, worry not for the man who will steal thy heart, for I will bring him to thee when thou least expected it. And I will face it like a true martyr. Any day now. Shall we move the pressure point to the next level now? This love subject is a risky business, isn't it.
Here's a little confession, ye wolves of the highest order: I'm not afraid to love... I'm just afraid I won't be loved back. Equally or more.