Did I tell you how lovely the day is, despite the weather being hot and humid? Right now it's storming outside, that could be ugly on the road, causing traffic jams right when people are rushing to go home to their loved ones, or to their lonely lives, whichever suits you best. At least I have a place I called my home. My financial is a little bit rocky, but I get by on whatever investment I've put my money in the past few months. My social life is on a decline, mostly because I don't have one to begin with. My parents are hounding me to come home every weekend, and each time I don't, they'll be wondering where their little girl spends her time and with what company or with whom. The works I have lined up on my in-tray are piling up, and each time I start on one, one other comes up out of nowhere that it's nearly uninspiring to see through till finish. My emotional life is like a plate of mixed grill, I eat whatever I can and deal with it later.
Yes, life on the outside if you're looking at me, looks good and steady. I don't whine much, I don't bitch much, I don't complain much, and I don't cry much, which practically makes me sounding weird and almost unfeeling. That's all what you see on the outside. And I cannot argue much on that point either because I tend to agree with you. There's so much that goes on behind closed doors with me that to open the can of worms now is like embarking on a suicidal mission. Better you stay in the dark.
But you know what? I have stopped walking on the wide path to destruction and ceased doubting myself. I have stopped disliking myself for the person I had become. I stopped crying, that's right, I'm human after all. Those were real tears, I should be in movies. That was a pathetic life I led, going from one day after another begging for a rerun and a chance to do better. The only person that was stopping me from going overboard was me. I stayed sane because I kept looking over my shoulder looking for a chance to redeem myself.
And finally, dear God, finally, I got it.
Sometimes the only way to go about life is to take all risks, cut your losses, and let the hot air balloon go to wherever the wind takes it. Quite a risk, but if you don't do it, you might lose that chance forever and you will forever be left wondering.
There are many other things I would like to tell you about, but at the risk of sounding sad and probably misunderstood, I shall have to keep a lot of things to myself. My mother always said that you can love other people all you want, but the real thing that matters the most is that you love yourself more.
And so here I go, loving myself more.
Till then, don't worry if you get nothing from what I'm writing here, I just want you to know that I am alright, I am alive and well, and I hope YOU have a nice weekend ahead.