Saw a couple drove by on my way to work this morning. The guy was silently driving while the lady was in a state of screaming the house down, apparently unsatisfied about something, probably a stale argument the night before. The guy drove on, giving all the impression in the world that he was ignoring her, leaving her to rattle. Unnerved. From where I sat, it was like watching a horror silent movie, with her unmistakable body language screaming anything but. When I caught his eyes at the traffic light, he looked ready to jump across to my seat. Or anywhere else but there, for that matter. I smiled weakly. Poor guy looked ready to expire on the spot.
I would hate an unfair argument, wouldn't you? You give as good as you get. I love a sound set-down sometimes, it could be exciting if you let it. My bet is that they have been married for years, and just about now, very much used to each other's ways that killing one another on the way to work probably sounds as exciting as feeding papers on the shredder machine. I can only imagine the ugly words hurling out of her mouth and him constructing mental barriers.
Pics courtesyf of GooglesThere are good fights, and there are bad fights. There are fights that make you grow stronger in love, and there are fights you just don't really recover from.
Did some people look far ahead into their future before jumping on the marriage wagon? That 'growing old with you' phrase sounds a tad too good to be true sometimes. Sure you have ups and downs, everything in life does, but how resilient are you to survive each one? And if you knew what your partner would be like 10 years, 20 years down the road, would you take that one step towards a life sentence together?
Ok, a life sentence probably sounds too harsh. Let me rephrase: Would you take that one step towards ever after?
I mean, I may sound prejudiced a little, especially since marriage is an uncharted territory (at least to me), but look at it from a single's point of view. ME.
I know nothing about love. Of the opposite sex, that is. I had a problem saying 'I love you' even till now, that's how paranoid I can be. Because saying it without meaning it or saying it in return is not genuine enough motive to actually say it to a person. I waited years to summon up the courage to say those words -- Yes, in English, for saying it in another language does not really give it the feeling of love at all, or so some of us movie-addicts think -- and even then, I wasn't even sure how to define LOVE.
Like, you tell a guy you love him, and then he goes on to ask "Really? What is love, do you know?" So great, two people in a relationship totally misinformed. But that's definition issue.
How long did you wait before you tell someone you love him/her? Were you even sure then, or was it just motivated by a certain feel-good moment? And then after you said it, did you go home and wondered "Oh man, what have I done?" And no you can't take it back.
At least in a pre-marriage condition, there is always room to grow. And if you feel suffocated by the minute, that would be the best time to look back and assess the situation... not alone, but together. It's like a test of strength and compatibility. I know many couples who withstood these tests of time and came out winners, and I happened to know a few who came tumbling down at the first sign of disaster.
And if you manage to hold your head even in your state of anger and wrath at each other, you will manage to overcome all when the storm has passed. That's the time to contemplate the Ever After.
Although I must say, some people are not so lucky to have the free advice of a single intelligent woman who has no experience whatsoever in the topic she currently chooses to write about, but hey, why, she is most certainly observant enough! Aha ha ha.
Contemplating marriage? Don't delve into it until you're most certain you're certain. How are you certain then? Let me get back to you on that.
P/s: I'm not against the idea of marriage, just trying to face my irrational fears of the uncertainties.