Monday, February 20, 2012

Love, marriage ... really?

Ah. Love is a messy business.

Saw a couple drove by on my way to work this morning. The guy was silently driving while the lady was in a state of screaming the house down, apparently unsatisfied about something, probably a stale argument the night before. The guy drove on, giving all the impression in the world that he was ignoring her, leaving her to rattle. Unnerved. From where I sat, it was like watching a horror silent movie, with her unmistakable body language screaming anything but. When I caught his eyes at the traffic light, he looked ready to jump across to my seat. Or anywhere else but there, for that matter. I smiled weakly. Poor guy looked ready to expire on the spot.

I would hate an unfair argument, wouldn't you? You give as good as you get. I love a sound set-down sometimes, it could be exciting if you let it. My bet is that they have been married for years, and just about now, very much used to each other's ways that killing one another on the way to work probably sounds as exciting as feeding papers on the shredder machine. I can only imagine the ugly words hurling out of her mouth and him constructing mental barriers.

Pics courtesyf of Googles

There are good fights, and there are bad fights. There are fights that make you grow stronger in love, and there are fights you just don't really recover from. 

Did some people look far ahead into their future before jumping on the marriage wagon? That 'growing old with you' phrase sounds a tad too good to be true sometimes. Sure you have ups and downs, everything in life does, but how resilient are you to survive each one? And if you knew what your partner would be like 10 years, 20 years down the road, would you take that one step towards a life sentence together?

Ok, a life sentence probably sounds too harsh. Let me rephrase: Would you take that one step towards ever after?

I mean, I may sound prejudiced a little, especially since marriage is an uncharted territory (at least to me), but look at it from a single's point of view. ME.

I know nothing about love. Of the opposite sex, that is. I had a problem saying 'I love you' even till now, that's how paranoid I can be. Because saying it without meaning it or saying it in return is not genuine enough motive to actually say it to a person. I waited years to summon up the courage to say those words -- Yes, in English, for saying it in another language does not really give it the feeling of love at all, or so some of us movie-addicts think -- and even then, I wasn't even sure how to define LOVE.

Like, you tell a guy you love him, and then he goes on to ask "Really? What is love, do you know?" So great, two people in a relationship totally misinformed. But that's definition issue.

How long did you wait before you tell someone you love him/her? Were you even sure then, or was it just motivated by a certain feel-good moment? And then after you said it, did you go home and wondered "Oh man, what have I done?" And no you can't take it back.

At least in a pre-marriage condition, there is always room to grow. And if you feel suffocated by the minute, that would be the best time to look back and assess the situation... not alone, but together. It's like a test of strength and compatibility. I know many couples who withstood these tests of time and came out winners, and I happened to know a few who came tumbling down at the first sign of disaster.

And if you manage to hold your head even in your state of anger and wrath at each other, you will manage to overcome all when the storm has passed. That's the time to contemplate the Ever After.

Although I must say, some people are not so lucky to have the free advice of a single intelligent woman who has no experience whatsoever in the topic she currently chooses to write about, but hey, why, she is most certainly observant enough! Aha ha ha.

Contemplating marriage? Don't delve into it until you're most certain you're certain. How are you certain then? Let me get back to you on that.

P/s: I'm not against the idea of marriage, just trying to face my irrational fears of the uncertainties.

20 comments:

  1. bila ade rasa mandi x basah ,tido x lena,mkn x kenyang tu baru le boleh say out loud the Love kot!

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  2. Well, the only way to keep marriage alive is to fall in love again and again with the same person?

    I'm single like you with no experience. haha
    Cutebun blog
    Cutebun FB page
    @Cutebun

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  3. Enjoy the life lok asanya sebelum nikah.. :D

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  4. The though of the possibility going through what the man is going through is... not really encouraging marriage and hence why one needs to be certain before popping the question, and saying yes to it.

    Those around which continue to pressure by asking 'when?' is really not helping...

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  5. we just have to make sure that we knew exactly who we are and the partner we are going to say yes to.

    The beautiful thing about life is the future. We won't know about it until we get there. So whatever happen in the future, we just have to deal with it.

    Its more about give and take. There is something you can change and there is something you have to live with. For other things, there's always Mastercard or Visa or amex or.... :P.

    Just like AmirFX said, one of the most important thing is to enjoy life first before marriage.

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  6. let's try it in Iban... aku sayau ka nuan.......hahahaha bulak jak bunyi!!

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  7. Kawin or not to kawin, Kawin or not to kawin, sigh.. Susah na...

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  8. same here..ican't really say the 3 words out to just anyone without really mean it. I dont understand how some people juz do.that's when i think that it's hard to find true love.

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  9. 1) Falling in love = its like being crazy. (Your are not mentally ill, don't burden the dr....).

    2)In love= its like heaven. Everything so sweet and smoothly flow..yay. (Don't worry, these sweet won't affect your health).

    3)In a relationship = Its like in class, learning the trait of your partner, family and so on...(ermmm no math ok)

    4)Being married = Its all about responsibility. There is still love but a bit different then before...(love mutation)...it change a bit more when you have army on the line, u try hard not to give up. A squad with a falling general is certain to lost the battle.....

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  10. saya tak tipu: saya agak pun macam tu jugak. tapi kan, selera saya makin bertambah la pulak. jangan2 reverse reaction? haha

    Sherrie: hahaha. agree. but then the question is HOW to keep falling in love with the same person? must be a trick to do this otherwise it'd be mundane routine

    AmirFx: enjoy sakan tok ko... singlehood rocks!

    Cyrildason: Scary isnt it... wud we be like that 10 years later? or by that time already immuned to it. now the trick is how to be certain, i havent got that part covered yet. And those who keep asking when, do what i do... smile and walk away or give em ur best shot, depending on who's asking. :-)

    Timothy: im enjoying myself too much before marriage, but sometimes it does have its setback, like going home to no one. sigh... Yes He who holds the future said we must not borrow trouble. Haha. Nowadays there's debit card too! LOL

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  11. Tia: Áku cinta padamu ... lagi la sound dramatic! Iban version ya straight out of cd karaoke, sik romantic lalu jak. haha

    Ivynana: sigh... macam petik petal bunga rose... he loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not...

    Fiona: is there even a true love? sigh... i usually wait until i cud feel that id die if im not with that guy. but then i wont say it if he doesnt feel the same either. Right. tricky isnt it?

    stan: love before marriage and love after marriage... like heaven and earth. 2 different entities, arent they. im completely inexperienced but i observed a lot and i think that marriage is about partnership, pre-marriage is about probation. but u summed it up better than me. Hehehe. Just dont lose the battle ok.

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  12. Hi CoffeeGirl, yes, I have seen, observed several such scenes, mostly it's the wife give 5 pieces of her mind to hubby.
    One reason I married late, ha ha.
    And my interview, done in-between jokes about life after marriage ko'ed practically all, except 2.

    I really made sure the wife I marry will not change me and my mentioning about showing the 'exit' was loud and clear even a deaf person can hear.
    Thus my wife has never once tried to change me, only maybe mention my hair reminds her of Tarzan, ha ha ha, talk about diplomacy!

    My wife and I do have our once in few years hiccups....but not to the extent of neighbours or cars seeing, hearing. Just an argument, and I have learned to keep my mouth shut or apologized quick.
    Right or wrong....but will end up laughing.

    Always enjoy popping over here, love your interesting postings.
    You have a nice day.
    Lee.

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  13. i totally get what your saying. Before I used to look forward to marriage but lately I am kind of scared of it. Maybe because I have been exposed to the messy ones all my life and I sort of lost hope. Hope that there is even the right guy. I think it's my fault (this loss of hope) my fault for over thinking it and waiting so long. Well happy tuesday!!

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  14. Marriage is about giving and taking...on the part of both parties, sometimes more...and sometimes less...but not all the time. It's a bed of roses with the thorns - will have to hold carefully and work on it to make it last.

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  15. Uncle Lee: whatever's the argument, the wife is always right, is that what ur saying? haha. apologized quick, i like that. like the saying 'dont let the sun go down on u', or is that a song by Elton John/George Michael? Lol. I think u got what most people in those days have, a long lasting marriage, maybe the secret is marrying late! so im safe after all huh. Have a nice day Uncle Lee!

    Mimi: so am I! scared that is, but optimistic still. who isnt scared, i guess. better be scared and be careful then fall right into it without thinking like young people these days, and then have problems later. right? so take it easy. ur in good company! =)

    suituapui: yep, on both ends and by both parties. no blaming each other, no finger pointing, shared responsibility, even when something goes wrong. ;)

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  16. I'm married. No complain, no regret, instead, I'm a very much happy man. Hahaha!

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  17. marriage is indeed a scary thing... to me. hehe. i may be still young to say so but many things had happened around me since the past few years and i wonder if marriage is should 4 me or not :)

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  18. Willie: Good for you. Keep at it. ;-)

    dadyana: you're right you're too young. LOL. give it time to sink in, you might change yer mind after meeting someone you cant live without. *(oh im comforting myself)

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  19. dadyana: good for u! jangan lupa jemput ye. :-)

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