Monday, October 31, 2011

Mind-blowing sex ...

[The overdue sexy post - Open mind needed]

All that orgy-talk and simultaneous intercourse got some of you excited, right? Come on, admit it. Your curiosity overrode all else, as if I didn't know. When men talk about sex, it's a given. But when women talk about it openly, men would go on alert because that's mainly their subject. The world is changing, or is that a cliche?

In my faith, if a guy so much as look at a woman and imagining himself in bed with her, he is already committing a sin - adultery. Same goes with a woman. The Bible says you don't have to do the deed with him/her physically to actually sin. You can do so with just your mind. Like, if a person wishes so badly for another person to die, he has already committed murder in his mind. He might as well pick up a weapon and kill that person himself.

But that's my faith, people, nothing to do with yours. Maybe the same but different.

Which is why now that I think about it, some religions require their women not to dress indecently or suggestively because it will invite the men to think improper thoughts which in turn will lead them to sin. So yes, the mind is a powerful tool. Or a channel, if you must. Fathers with growing-up daughters know this. Mothers more so.

Now when I read in The Stars paper about the Obedient Wives Club (OWC) talking about having spiritual sex, I frowned. Maybe I was supposed to laugh out loud, but I was holding a mug of hot coffee and it won't do well to spill it and waste good brew. My initial thought was "Dude, really?" Twice I read it, still it made no sense and still the laughter didn't come.

Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about. This, right after everyone initially misinterpreted the author of the book. That's right, I am definitely talking about that "Islamic Sex, Fighting Jews to Return Islamic Sex to the World" book. The one and only. I mean, at least a 'group sex' is more understandable to mean what the writer says it means, no matter how outrageous. But to say that it actually means having spiritual sex with multiple wives in different locations? Oh, that effectively gives 'ubiquitous' a new meaning.

Last I checked, only God can be in many places at one time. Omnipresent. But again, that is my faith people.

The more the OWC open their collective mouths, the more they sound like some Cult group. You know, the ones that are destined for tragic ending of some sort, if you read enough of the kind.

 File Pic: YodPod, the sun kissed hippie "Source" cult (Guruphiliac)

Smells weirder by the minute, if you ask me. That is only the first book. Wait till you see the second book! I bet they would have visuals and pictures with positions and tips and such! It is going to be a best-seller yet although I'm imagining no man will own up ever reading it. Who knows religious porn sells? Well what else would you call it? Madonna and her SEX book will cry foul!

Psst... they're selling the books strictly to members only (although how the frog it got into the wrong hands is suspiciously conspiratorial) so how about that? There will be a leak again, I bet you.

Yes, it is bad form to make fun of other people's belief. And I am having a really open mind, but sometimes, some things just cannot be open enough. Oh I am the last person you should ask about sex, but even I know how frustrating it must be not to have the real thing. Whatever happened to good ol' sex the natural way?

Oh one more! One more! This one actually made me sat down speechless. There's one part that says "It is important for a woman’s breasts to be sucked in order to prevent breast cancer". On a medicinal view, yes, it is researched that breastfeeding helps to reduce breast cancer among women. But this one is written in a purely sexual context, I am so sure they were not talking about babies and breast feeding. Which leaves ........


You probably didn't say it out loud, but you think it!! Ha ha!

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

What do you call that time lapse between midnight and dawn?

I call it MISERABLE sometimes.

Haven't been to see my doctor in ages, I'm sure he would call it Twilight or something intelligent. Although in my caffeinated state, I would have to disagree on the grounds that tea-drinker knows nothing about this stoned and euphoric state. 

You should try it sometimes.

Friday, October 21, 2011

Bleed 3: True Blood

*Warning: There will be blood.*

Yeay! I did it! Twice this year already, and third time in my life. The first time I already recounted to you here and here. That is, if you bother to read the beginning of my heroic stint. ;-)

Well let me tell you something uplifting that my bleeding partner, Clive, told me a minute after I did it: Blood donors are special people because not everyone can donate blood. And the fact that you can, shows that you are a healthy person, otherwise the doctor won't give you the green light. That's priviledged indeed. Tell that to yourself every time you visit the Blood Bank.

Yes that after-thought certainly helped. I always thought I was doing a good cause, well I am, but now I realised it suddenly means more. Very heroic indeed.

Anyway.... today Clive and I did it again. Really, I don't have that many bleeding partners who could go with me as and when it's convenient. In fact, I was due to donate again last July but was pre-occupied. So today when I told my super-sporting boss that I was planning to donate blood, he gave me the go-ahead wave and said 'Good for you.'

Here's an encounter: When we walked in the room, two late-30s guys greeted us, all friendly and helpful. When I handed over my record book, they checked in the database, and looked and me and immediately launched his next conversation in full Bidayuh. Small world. One turns out to be my next-kampung neighbor and the one turns out to be someone my dad taught in primary school. See? I told you they were friendly. And when the other one looked at my report card and mentioned my age, he disbelieving said *insert vain smiley here* "33? You look younger! Are you sure? Married?" To which I smiled and said "Thank you. I know". *Insert many vain smileys here* To which the other replied after snorting at his friend "Says here in the form she's single lah. Why single? Can't find a man? Can't believe you have problems." To which I snorted and said, and here's the Bidayuh version "Duh siroh dayak, da dayak siroh aku." [which means Not looking for a man, let the man look for me]. To which the first guy replied back, "Da Dayak siroh kah? duh sebarang dari." [oh that actually literally means waiting for a Dayak to look for me, not just any man]. Haha, very witty of him. I swear Clive did not know a single word the guys were talking about. Minority talk. By the way, I am a Bidayuh, some exotic superhero huh?

Oh but I digress!

So anyway, after that little talk, which I always find to be an effective icebreaker, the guy took my blood sample. And asked for my card, so that they can contact me to assist in future Blood Donation Drive in my office space. Already networking people! I am on a drive to promote this good deed to the rest of my office mates and the rest of the 100 plus tenants in my office building alone.

Good thing this time I remember when my last menses was, and after the doctor who checked my blood pressure gave the greenlight for me to enter the bleeding room, I felt exceedingly great.

Oh and I hit a personal record of 8 minutes! Proud to be. Wow, that shows the quality of my blood. *come suck me vamp and live for another 10 years!*. If you read my first encounter, you would understand that a quality blood is important as many people who needs blood transfusion sometimes need a certain component of your blood only. But darn it, Clive did it in 7! I still lose. My next personal challenge is to finish before he does, all 450pint in less than 7. At least!

This is the good kind of high. The prick that gives you a huge level of satisfaction. Pun intended.
Next date is 3 months from now. Anyone?

By the way, if I haven't told you already, I am O+. Not many people have that type of blood - the generous donor but the stingy recipient. So if you are one, make your way to the blood bank, they are currently in really low supply.

So then, I leave you now with pictures while I recuperate at Starbucks having my Latte in Caramel Syrup. Remember folks, blood donation saves lives.

The med expert who administered me...

 Busy with my BB...

 Clive napping ... sempat!
 Covering the aftermath with protein...
 Hey donors get 'Priviledge Time Off' ... that's what it says...
A keychain and a car sticker for my effort ...
And recuperating with some really hot latte!

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

The Wedding Singer ...

Yerrr ... saya akan menyanyi masa kakak saya kawen nanti. Adakah patut, lain orang kawen, lain orang yg excited? Ini bukan orang sebarang orang, ini wa punya KAKAK KESAYANGAN okeh... Kalau orang lain, jangan haraplah aku nak naik pentas memalukan diri sendiri. Family only bebeh.

Dulu masa kakak sulung kawin, kitorang seangkatan adik-beradik buat persembahan nyanyian. Saya yang Tingkatan 2 masa tu baru belajar main gitar. Boleh lah tahan, for an amateur. Siap mak aku asyik lap mata kat belakang. Masa tu aku kira baru start akil baligh, baru start kumpul peminat-peminat lelaki. Hehe. Sapa tahu mujarab punya taktik. Sampai sekarang okeh.

Then masa first cousin kawin lepas lama membujang, saya dengan adik nyanyi jugak. Sumpah time tu saya tak nak nyanyi, sebab dah pandai segan dah, tapi disebabkan paksaan dan permintaan cousin tu, terpaksa jugakla naik pentas. Lepas tu, time church member sorang tu kawin, awal-awal lagi mak dia bagitau pesan suruh sediakan persembahan solo. Apabila saya sambung belajar kat Universiti, takde la lagi wedding singer kat church saya. Kesian. Ada la jugak yang lain, tapi yang anak Pastor tu dah retire sementara waktu.

So ... walaupun suara saya ni jauh lebih hebat daripada suara Britney Spears yang tak berapa pandai nyanyi tu, saya akan berusaha juga untuk melalak dengan sepenuh hati. Nasib baik bukan tone deaf. Bukannya apa... saya nyanyi dari hati. Suara buruk kalau ikhlas dan buat persiapan betul-betul, pasti akan berjaya jugak jadinya. Kan kan kan?

Sudah semestinya lagu Country. :-) Sudah semestinya lagu cinta. Sudah semestinya aku siap siaga untuk buat kakak aku menangis tersedu. Biarlah....

Tengah belajar chord lagu satu ni... something by Brad Paisley. 

I am sooo in a Bahasa Kebangsaan mood today. Sorry.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

In memory of Black ...

(While it's still fresh in my mind. You can flip if you want.)

Any form of life is sacred, no matter that they are born without the willpower and intellect that we human have.

A few weeks ago, Black the Boxweiler, was cornered by a few drunken guys nearby a local grocery store. The sight of him cowering gave the men some sort of perverse power. They picked up empty bottles, broken glasses, sticks and whatever were handy and threw them at him. Some missed its mark, some bulls-eyed. The helpless yelps and sometimes angry growls just made the men madder. 15 minutes later Black came home trembling with rage and spotting bruises and tiny cuts. This went on for a few more long days, and like a bullied child, an animal is no better, and as the hurt grew, so did the hatred for these despicable men.

And then the tables turned. A week ago, a neighbor rushed to the mistress informing her that Black had ran rampage and attacking the men one by one, the assailants who had been terrorizing him for days on end. He cornered one at his house not far away and rushed at him gnarling and barking ferociously, alarming the whole neighborhood. The man feared for his family. And then Black ran after another man who was on his way home from work. He didn't make it to a safe place before Black attacked him on his feet until a crowd rescued the man. Black ambushed another man at his house one morning and almost broke the fence fighting the man who was wielding a helmet. Even then the man continued to taunt him.

This went on for several days and Black came home after each encounter. You would think a dog would not know any better, but sometimes animals are more acute than humans, especially when bent on revenge. Black did not forget the face of his tormentors. Wouldn't you? Hatred does that to a person, doesn't it?

The neighbor who reported the attack urged the mistress to leash Black before anything bad happens. The mistress' grandmother even told her to send Black away, far far away, if she loved him, before things get out of hands. It was like a premonition. When push comes to shove, something someone somewhat somehow will fall far far down irrevocably.

Fast forward a little. Last Sunday, as usual, Black was barking and wagging his tail cheerfully even on a leash, when his Mistress came home. She has a small kid and a teen living with her, and a group of us were chatting progressively about dinner and the weather. When she shared with us the Black incident, no one really took that seriously. Patting Black's eager head and cooing at him, she turned the leash loose. Black went rushing off in bursts of life and delights seconds after being let out to God-knows-where. We laughed and went inside, totally engrossed in a series of kids vs adult drama talk.

15 minutes later Black came home jerky, writhing on the floor and foaming on the mouth, moaning pitifully. His mistress noticed immediately, stopped her chattering and rushed out. Something about her face told us she had seen something like this a few times in her life to recognize it immediately for what it was. Exploding into action, she whipped raw egg and added salt in a bowl and shoved it under Black's mouth, all the while her cries were louder and more pitiful than the dog's. It is at times like these that I wished I knew what to say or do to make things better, although in my heart I knew it was too potent and too late to react. The mistress held Black's head, rubbing aggressively, insisting he ate the concoction, all the while crying herself.

5 minutes later the violent twitching stopped. Black died in the arms of his mistress and I've never seen anything more heart-wrenching as the sight of her cuddling his head, trying to stay the warmth, irregardless of the goo on his mouth and all.

To hear tell, Black had been a victim of sudden poisoning via injection -- slung shot injection, from the looks of it. I gazed in disbelief at some length some people will go to to achieve whatever end. I never even heard of such thing! Technology? My God... these dog-killers were probably still around the area waiting for him to actually die! The knowledge that those murderers were close by  -- they had to be, a sling shot is lucky only if from a close distance, and Black did not run far away at night -- made the hairs on my arms stand on end. A person who could kill a dog with such heartless intent, could kill a human too, couldn't they?

My sister held the smaller daughter away. A kid shouldn't see something like this. Helpless, as astounding as it was, I just stood there, unable to accept the fact that this happened right before our eyes. My eyes! I never witness such heartless act in my entire life. To take a life away like it's worthless. There will be hell to pay.

Tomorrow there would be repercussions. Did he bring this upon himself? No, not unprovoked. Did those bullies had a sound reason? I'm not one to judge. But as I listened to Black's mistress recounted the whole ordeal from beginning to end in between sobs, I prayed that God would look upon her and her family with grace and mercy in times of her grief. It is one thing to own a dog, it is another to love him.

I am sorry, I am being melodramatic, but this ordeal has touched me in a way I could not quite explain. I've had pets dying before, I even helped buried a cat or two who died in our care or at birth or freak accidents. In fact we had dog pets at my home growing up, but something about animal attachment just grew weary on some us. I'm better off without pets anyway, I cannot deal with too much love, but that's another story.

I knew Black. He wasn't a violent dog. He was a good farm dog, helpful and even gentle with kids. Every time I came to visit, he would rush over and crowd me with wet tongue and waggy tail and whimpers of delight. Of course I would remember, I dislike dog wet licks on my bare legs, but I didn't push him away. How could anyone, when showered with such open demonstrative adoration?

Being Christians, we accept this with forgiving hearts, but God sees all things, and we believe God will avenge accordingly. As long as I, we, do not raise our hands to another. Even right now, I breath prayers to the souls of the men who did this.

Rest in peace, Black.

Monday, October 10, 2011

I'm a beautiful whale ...

Good morning! Good morning! A beautiful single 40something successful career woman -- also a professional peer and a good friend -- posted something on my wall on FB this morning, and I can't help but feel enlightened and delightfully cheered up by it.

Want to read something awe-inspiring, ladies? Monday is too big to face alone. I didn't write this, although I wish I did because it's truly brilliant. Ms Delphine Fieberg posted this on her wall, and now all you lovely big bony women -- me included -- will know what a true beauty you are and appreciate it to the fullest, irregardless of what your thinner peers say or look like next to you. 

- - - - - - - - -
A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and beautiful woman. The caption was "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?" The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way:

"Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great t...enderness. They entertain like crazy with dolphins and eat lots of prawns. They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea or the coral reefs of Polynesia. They sing incredibly well and sometimes even are on cds. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defend and admires.

Mermaids do not exist. But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because of a problem of split personality: woman or fish? They would have no sex life and could not bear children. Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad. And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?

Without a doubt, I'd rather be a whale. At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, to have dinner with my husband, to eat and drink and have fun with my friends. We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn't enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies.

We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated. Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: "How amazing am I ?! "

* Image of French Model Tara Flynn*  courtesy of French Elle mag.

~ Delphine Fieberg ~ 
 - - - - - - - - -

 Besides, Whales are real! Mermaids are just mythological aquatic creatures. 

Have fun ahead you wicked sexy big bold beautiful creature you! 

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Weird friends ...

The last time a best friend married without telling me or even invited me to his wedding, I didn't speak to him for 6 years. He claimed he lost my mobile number -- lame isn't it when I have a leased line listed -- but there's always a way if there's enough will. Apparently there wasn't any will. It made me wonder just what kind of friends we were.

And then quite recently, I waited for another best friend to tell me something important, and then I ended up listening with the rest of the world. I hadn't been speaking to him since then. I had wanted to at least be the first one to know since we had shared so many good stories together and I thought I at least deserve that honor. Apparently there wasn't anything special about our friendship either, just an ordinary happening that doesn't merit much thought. Well what kind of friends are we anyway to treat each other so callously?

Maybe I should take a hint, yeah? That a girl and a guy cannot really be best friends, contrary to popular movie belief. That a guy will easily forget a girl best friend once he found someone to take over your place. That no matter how good a friend you are to each other, someday it will not even be worth a single memorable thing when someone or something comes in between.

I keep losing good friends. I mean, a guy and a girl they befriend each other differently. You can have a good friendship without romance getting in the way, or so I thought, but it isn't romance on our part, it's from another source entirely. Then you get the cold shoulder, the unanswered phone calls, the short and delayed text messages. It's starting.

I mean, COME ON! Give me a break!

Paranoid. I speak of no one in particular. I am just hurt that a person who calls you a best friend will just easily snub you out when you have no more use. That, and I probably should just stick to my good close girl best friends from now on. Because although it is kind of weird for a girl to befriend a guy without getting down and dirty, I might think innocently of the friendship, but he might not. 

Wait. Really? So was that it? Was it because I was so unfeeling and blind about how you feel? COME ON!!! You're just a coward.

That's it. I'm done with this BFF crap. I just wanted to be happy for my friends, if only they'll let me in on it. But damn. It's too weird now.